


Upside Downtime

by NumptyPylon



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkwardness, Banter, Between Episodes, Canon Compliant, Character Development, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Worldbuilding, lots of banter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27498751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NumptyPylon/pseuds/NumptyPylon
Summary: Between the escape from Katolis Castle and the leap from the pinnacle, there were thirty days of daring and adventure we saw on screen, and thirty nights of relative downtime we did not.This story adds the in-between moments, following Rayla, Callum and Ezran through the events of the first three seasons. There’s banter and introspection, angst and humor, loss and love, but with some emphasis on the banter and the love.Includes chapter illustrations. All chapters are oneshots and can be read on their own.———In Chapter 17: Haze, Callum and Rayla are keen to leave angry Sol Regem FAR behind them, but Rayla isn't feeling great after getting at pile of rocks dumped on her
Relationships: Callum & Ezran & Rayla (The Dragon Prince), Callum/Rayla (The Dragon Prince), Ethari & Rayla (The Dragon Prince), Ezran & Rayla (The Dragon Prince), Rayla & Runaan (The Dragon Prince)
Comments: 564
Kudos: 291





	1. Dear Departed (S1E3)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, welcome to Upside Downtime! It takes place between canon episodes of seasons 1 to 3, adding one chapter for each in-show day. Here’s a [timeline](https://i.imgur.com/ZOnKFW6.jpg) I made of the events of the show, that serves as a framework for this story.
> 
> T-rating is a mild T, and mostly for language, since Rayla swears when Netflix isn’t watching. There’s very mildly suggestive content and canon-level violence. If you have questions or would like me to warn for anything specific, feel free to ask in the comments or send me an anonymous ask on [my tumblr @numptypylon](https://numptypylon.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> This story works as a companion fic to Downtime in Wartime (DiW), which is Callum pov in the same continuity, but reading DiW is completely optional (and it’s all oneshots, so you can read single chapters as you prefer), this story stands alone. I link to the Callum chapters taking place between the chapters of this story in the end notes, if you want to read in chronological order, and here’s a [version of the timeline that includes reading order](https://i.imgur.com/FOoUUFm.jpg). But again, it’s not necessary to follow this fic!
> 
> Hope you enjoy! I’m so excited to start posting this 😊
> 
>   
>    
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post-S1E3, after the trio left the castle
> 
> 4-5 hours after [DiW 1: Allies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54421612)

  
  


6.22AM, May 16th, 998AB, outside Castle Katol, Central Katolis

The bells rang through the misty pre-dawn, carrying the sound all the way from the castle in the distance.

Rayla could have shielded herself from what it meant, if not for the red ribbon left behind back on the forest trail. She was no-where near skilled enough at illusions to wrap _that_ up in anything else, and so the meaning the sound carried was clear and heavy.

Death.

Before today, that would have sounded _so_ melodramatic to her. Like ‘Death’ in fancy capitalized letters on the page of a storybook or spoken aloud in Runaan’s voice, full of gravitas she hadn’t understood.

But not now.

 _Now,_ the way the word was making its way around inside her head, bouncing off the memories of the last day, it didn’t mean some vague, ominous thing but… lots of _real_ things.

It meant that those two boys, fast asleep, missing the sound and what it meant for them… that they had lost their dad.

It meant that she would have to lie to them, from here on out.

And it meant that Runaan was alive and on his way back to Ethari.

How was she supposed to feel about the bells when they meant _all_ of those things?

She knew how she was _supposed_ to feel of course, knew that… that sound should mean triumph.

It didn’t though, not even close, and she didn’t know how she _did_ feel.

Rayla wrapped her arms around herself, keeping out nothing at all, not the chill or the feelings or the bells, still echoing in her head after the real sound had stopped.

The moon set, its soft and comforting warmth leaving and inviting the chill of dawn, which did its damndest to get right into her bones. Its bracing strength left too, and the fatigue that had apparently just been lying in wait, pounced to hit her all at once.

The sun rose, mocking her tired eyes with its stupid, excessively bright rays that weren’t even warm this early, all harsh and throwing the jagged edges of the world into stark relief.

She sat in the miserable cold sunlight for a while, before she roused her travelling companions, huddled together under their cloak with the warm little Sun primal frog. They both looked tired, blinking muzzily at her and the forest around them. She judged it had been five or six hours since Callum had gone to sleep, a bit longer for Ezran.

The sun was up though, had been for a while, and they had to _move._ For… many reasons.

The younger boy, Ezran, bounced up and greeted her cheerfully. He seemed a whole lot livelier than his older brother, still yawning and trying to extricate himself from the tangled cloak.

“Empty your bags and let me know what we’re working with,” she said, rather curtly, because she really wanted to get _away_ from this place, from that castle in the distance.

Away from the bells for the departed. From the red ribbon.

From… the dead. From the _death,_ real and horrible. From her failure.

Her former team would be on their way now too, and she knew she had to get Ezran and the dragon egg as far away from them as possible. But she knew the path they would take though, and it wouldn’t be hard to avoid them.

Rayla let the boys get their bearings, doing her morning stretches while they rubbed the sleep from their eyes and laid out their supplies like she’d asked them to.

Callum sighed, looking at the meagre contents of their bags. Even upside down in a handstand, she could tell it was not great.

“We have a bit of food,” Callum said, meticulously listing the supplies out loud as he packed them back in their bags. “-thanks to Ezran. Five jellytarts, a jar of raisins and a cheese sandwich. Extra socks, because Ez always jumps in puddles, and I’m sent to fetch him and then we _both-_ uh. Never mind. We have extra socks, was the point. And an extra undershirt, because Ez gets cold. And my cloak. No other extra clothes, because we were going to the Bantherlodge, and there are clothes there.” They just… didn’t need to pack clothes, when they went on long trips? It was weird, thinking that someone could just have _that_ many extra clothes.

Callum had stopped listing supplies though and was just staring at her now, open-mouthed.

Maybe humans couldn’t put their feet that close to the top of their heads? She supposed… most elves couldn’t either, but surely it wasn’t _that_ weird.

Ezran stared too, but it was more unabashed joy on his face than the… whatever it was, on Callum’s. “That’s so _cool,_ ” the boy said. “You can really just… almost _stand_ on your own head. While upside down.”

“No,” Rayla smirked.

“But-” Ezran looked confused, pointing at her current position.

Not wavering, she spread her legs slightly to steer clear of the horns, and lowered her feet _past_ the edge of her head, almost touching her ears. “I _can_ stand on top of my head. I _don’t,_ because my boots are dirty and my hair is white.”

“Smart,” Ezran nodded sagely. “Makes sense. I knew it. I told Callum too, that it didn’t make sense that elves would uh ‘wallow in filth’ and never wash their hair, even _if_ the books at the library says so.” Wow. Awesome to know, really, what humans thought of her people. But Ezran was continuing, chatting happily. “That tall pointy man on the battlements? Pretty sure _he_ washes his hair, and takes his sweet time, too.” _So_ very true. But she couldn’t say that. Runaan… those bells were because of him.

She flipped forwards, landing lightly on the grass in front of the boys. “Yep. We work pretty much like humans, I imagine? Put our pants on one leg at a time? Wash in the order of face, armpits, crotch, ass-”

Ezran’s face lit up in a delighted grin. “You said ‘ass’!”

“Ezran, she’s allowed to talk how she wants,” Callum said sternly. “ _You’re_ not.”

“I’m not really, either,” Rayla said, winking at Ezran, who was pouting dramatically, clearly not thinking this fair at all. “I just kinda do, anyway. Like I said, I work pretty much like you.”

Callum was still staring at her, though. “I wouldn’t say _that_ ,” he said. “That you work like us, I mean.”

She shrugged. “It’s normal? I mean, I’m pretty flexible I guess, but-”

“Uh, no. It’s definitely _not_ normal,” Callum said, still wide-eyed. “I could never do that in a thousand years of training. I can’t even touch my toes, and Soren says I ought to be able to-”

She turned away. It was… _technically_ flattering, what he was saying. But it wasn’t, really. He thought she was… what? Not like _him_ , that was pretty obvious. Intimidating, maybe. Which was also not that flattering.

“Let’s get going,” she said curtly. “Can’t spend all day upside down.”

“The whole night was kinda… upside down,” Ezran said, quiet now. He looked around at the forest, then back at the castle off in the distance. “It’s _still_ a bit upside down. But maybe you get used to it? Being upside down? And it’ll seem the right way up eventually?”

He looked so hopeful it tore at her, because he didn’t even know how _much_ his world was upside down.

She had lost her parents twice, it felt like, even if they still lived. _Both_ times it had turned the world upside down.

She couldn’t tell them.

A kind illusion, Runaan might have called it. But it wasn’t kind, not at all.

That it was kind or okay was an illusion too and she didn’t need that. She knew it was not kind to keep this from them. It was necessary and cruel and horrible.

“Yeah,” she said, and forced a smile. “There’s an upside to things being upside down, you know. A new perspective. Gravity masking your bedhead.” She raised an eyebrow meaningfully at Callum and his lopsided morning floof, but he didn’t seem to catch on. “A rush of blood to the head,” she continued. “Less wear and tear on your boots. I dunno… getting _really_ into the mind of a bat?” Ezran giggled at this, and Callum smiled, and Rayla found _her_ smile was somehow a lot less effort.

“Come on,” she grinned at them, motioning them to follow as they both hefted their bags, ready to go.

It would be okay, she thought. There was a bunch of horrible things that they weren’t leaving behind at all but bringing with them but… there were good things too. They carried a really good and important thing that could turn the world upside down in a good and important way.

“Okay, then,” Callum said, a kinda thoughtful-eager-glint-in-his-eyes look on his face. “It’s upside down time! I’m up for the downtime! I’m down with the upside!” Alright, that was his dumb pun face then, good to know. “It’s up to-”

Callum stopped talking, because he had to run to catch up to her and Ezran, who had collectively elected to leave him to his forest clearing punnologue.

Dork.

Pretty much… like her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapters are always nerve wracking! Hope you enjoyed, but feel free to tell me, even if you didn’t :D
> 
> Up next: The trio hit the road, and try to get used to the walking and each other


	2. Road Uncharted (S1E4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set en route to the Banther Lodge, pre-S1E4. Extra day added to account for Amaya's travel time from the Breach.
> 
> 4 hours before [ DiW 2: Perception](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54493135#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, everyone who commented and kudos'ed on the first chapter! It's super nerve wracking to start a new story, I'm so glad you seemed to enjoy the first chapter :)
> 
> Now the story continues!

  
  


3.45PM, May 16th, 998AB, Forest of Eyham, Central Katolis

Callum was flagging. He wasn’t complaining… _as such._ Well, he was. His face _definitely_ was. He was trying not to. But neither of the boys were used to this.

Ezran, at least, seemed too excited to whine about his feet, but she was willing to bet he would conk out hard come bedtime. For now though, he had left his brother to carry the seemingly heavy egg _and_ his own pack, so he could climb trees and run ahead and pick flowers. She had offered to carry Ezran’s pack and Callum had said no so… he made his bed. Did he really think she needed him to _hand over_ the egg?

She could take it if she wanted to. She _didn’t,_ that was the _point._ And if he wanted to carry two packs and whine about it, then pfft... His choice.

Callum flopped down groaning in the grass, when she called for a rest. Ezran followed suit, but didn’t even stay down for one minute, because this random stretch of forest seemed endlessly fascinating to him and he was back off, seemingly examining the plant life.

Ezran was at least fun. He had made Bait a crown of pink flowers with little faces that he claimed went with his normal-grumpy skin color and his ‘vibe’, and now he was bringing back a whole armful of assorted wildflowers, holding them up to _her_ face.

“Callum?” the boy asked, turning to his brother and turning her face around too. “What goes? It’s hard, because her eyes are _purple-”_

“Lilac.” Callum said, absentmindedly. “They’re lilac. Like the lilac bushes that grew at Aunt Amaya’s old cottage?”

“Yeah. I see it. I don’t have any lilacs though?” Ezran looked through the collection of flowers in his hands, white and light blue and orange. “I need backup suggestions, Callum!”

Callum smiled good-naturedly at Ezran’s intensity. “A shade of purple with not too much blue in it. Or bright yellow, like buttercups. Or white. White goes with everything, but there wouldn’t be much contrast with her hair.”

“Light pink and yellow,” Rayla said, without thinking, an image of Runaan popping into her head unbidden, not the imposing assassin leader full of disgust with her that she had faced on the battlements, but… smiling on Ethari’s birthday, lifting her up to the mirror so she could see herself in the Sundrop flower crown. She had thought those flowers were boring, but Ethari had told her they looked very pretty on her, and she knew he was biased but-

Callum was looking at her too… she didn’t know. He was just looking, and she supposed he had never seen an elf before, or, it seemed, purple eyes. “Yeah,” he said, nodding. “Pink and yellow would be really nice. Are those your favorite colors of flowers?”

“People have a favorite color flowers?” she snickered. She really hadn’t thought about that. Not like _that._ It was more to do with a good memory than the colors themselves, why she liked the yellow and pink Sundrops.

“Callum does,” Ezran giggled. “He has a favorite color _everything._ His favorite color flowers are yellow. His favorite color watercolor paint is like… orangy red. His favorite color clothes is greyish blue. And his favorite color leather is dark red like my shirt, because our mom’s spear was wrapped in leather that color-” _Was._ Past tense. She had figured but…

Callum was looking down, a bit bashfully. No wonder, really, it was _personal,_ what his little brother was just blabbering on about. She would have been mortified, if she had been him.

“Yeah,” Callum said, twisting the stem of the light purple flowers he was holding. “It’s because surfaces and reflectiveness and saturation and… stuff… matters. So I couldn’t just like the same red hue for watercolors and tinted leather, that would make _no_ sense-”

“ _You_ don’t make sense,” Ezran laughed. Those words were actually… a bit mean on top, but underneath… no. Not mean. And Callum just kinda sighed, clearly not upset.

Probably a… sibling thing.

She wouldn’t know.

“Why pink and yellow?” Callum asked, smiling, like his brother hadn’t just spilled his life story to a stranger.

“They were one of my guardians’ favorite,” Rayla said, smiling slightly at the memory. It wasn’t as hard as she had thought, to share the _personal_ stuff. The two boys weren’t being judgy or disinterested, quite the opposite.

“Guardian?” Ezran asked. “You’re adopted? Like Callum?” _Like Callum_ … She hadn’t known that, but she could tell him and Ezran looked quite different, even though they were also similar under the different skin tone and hair and nose and general temperament.

She wasn’t though… like Callum. “No,” she said, managing to keep the _feelings_ about that out of her voice, or at least she thought so. “Temporary guardians.” Not very temporary. But it didn’t matter anyway. She didn’t have parents anymore, she had guardians that-

One guardian, at least, still. And she would _fix_ things and-

And she… _really_ needed to change the topic to something more practical and less personal and weird.

“Do your feet hurt?” she asked the boys. Blisters were a concern, if they weren’t used to walking or didn’t have the right footwear for this, and they were better avoided before they _became_ blisters.

“Yes!” Ezran exclaimed, flopping heavily and dramatically backwards in the grass.

Callum hesitated. He was _trying_ not to whine.

“Two yesses then,” Rayla sighed. “Show them to me, then.”

Ezran readily tugged his right boot and sock off, and presented her with a little brown-skinned _five-toed_ foot. That… threw her off. So strange. It seemed like a good, healthy foot though. No blisters. So probably just regular soreness then.

“Your feet have passed inspection,” she declared, a mockery of the tone Runaan used when he addressed the trainees.

She didn’t know what made her run her finger lightly along the soft arc, some curiosity… if human children were ticklish too-

Ezran squealed loudly, flopping back and laughing. “And another pass on the tickle check,” she laughed. She couldn’t help herself, Ezran’s good humor was just so contagious. She met Callum’s eyes, smirking. “Next!”

“For the… uh… tickle check?” Callum rubbed the back of his neck.

She rolled her eyes. “No, I need to paint your toenails with a special elf recipe, to ward off predators.”

“Alright,” he grinned, playing along, a lot of the tension leaving him, as he pulled his boot off. “Purple is my favorite color for that, if the predator-repellant nail polish comes with options.” Like the dark mage girl from the dungeon.

Callum’s feet passed too. One was reddening slightly at the back of the heel, but not a blister yet. He looked weirdly embarrassed though, when she ran her fingers along the area, holding his foot with her other hand. How was he just talking about his mom and his favorite colors like it was no big deal and embarrassed about _this?_ A normal, practical thing when you were travelling? Humans were weird.

Or maybe it was just Callum. 

“You’re fine,” she said. “Just keep an eye on that.”

“I think my boots are fine, it was just the socks bunching,” he muttered, his cheeks still red.

“Okay,” she said, electing to not tease him, because maybe he was sensitive about his feet, although she couldn’t see why he would be, they seemed perfectly fine, weird fifth toe aside. “Tell me if you need to stop and un-bunch your socks.”

“Can we see yours?” Ezran asked. “It’s only fair. Do you have four or five toes?” He looked down at her boots, assessing. “I’m guessing four. Because your feet are narrower than Callum’s, and you’re almost the same size.”

“Six,” Rayla said, deadpan. “They’re just very skinny. Like long, skinny fingers, but on my feet. I use them to grip branches, when I swing through the trees. So it evens out to twenty total digits, same as for you.”

“Really?” Callum asked, looking fascinated. “You swing though the trees?”

“Yeah. My tail is still growing, so I need to rely on those toesies.”

“Tail?!” Callum instantly craned his neck to look at her backside, and an entirely too long moment later, it seemed to dawn on him what he was in fact staring at, and he suddenly found the tree off to the side extremely interesting. “Anyway. Tail. Okay. Cool.”

“No!” Rayla sputtered. “How would I hide a tail in _these_ pants?!” She turned to Ezran, shaking with laughter. “Is he always that dense?”

“Yes,” Ezran said, with very definite emphasis, even though the aftermath of his giggles. “So much yes. It’s tragic.” He gently headbutted Callum’s shoulder, disrupting his grumpy face settling too firmly. It was mostly for show, anyway, she could tell, Callum was already smiling down at his little brother, now leaning his head against his shoulder.

“Sooo… not six long and thin finger-toes either, I assume?” Callum asked. “You really shouldn’t feel obligated to show us your feet just because you’ve seen ours. Ez, you can’t just ask people you don’t know to show you their feet for no reason-”

“Curiosity is a reason!” Ezran argued, crossing his arms.

“It’s okay, Callum,” Rayla shrugged. “You can see my feet, Ezran. I don’t mind. Besides, I know my limits and neither of you would believe me if I told you the sullying gaze of human eyes would make my precious finger-toes wither and fall off, right?”

“Emphatically no,” Callum grinned. “I do, in fact have limits. Besides, we just met. Give me time and then prepare to be seen right through!”

His green eyes caught hers and it was like he _was_ seeing through her.

She… couldn’t _do_ this, that was the point. She had to do better. If they did see through her, they would leave in a heartbeat, go back to their castle to mourn-

Rayla busied herself with the clasps on her boot, because if they were looking at her feet then they weren’t looking at the parts of her she _really_ needed to hide.

The boys both studied the regular old four-toed foot she stuck out to them, Callum tilting his head in rapt fascination, and she hadn’t _been_ self-conscious about it but for some reason she was _now._ A bit.

Rayla shook her head briskly, pulling her foot back and her sock and boot back on.

“We should get going,” she said, because it was on her now, to be like that. Interrupt the fun and get going because they had to.

She had no parents and no Runaan and no… guidance.

No path to follow.

Just these two boys, trusting her to lead them through uncharted territory and being weirdly friendly and open, especially considering how they had met. But really, even disregarding how they met, it was _super_ weird how they just… talked about stuff and smiled at her like they _liked_ talking to her and-

Really, _all_ this was uncharted territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Pretty low drama, but next chapter, that changes a bit ;)
> 
> There's references to a shortstory about flower crowns that was put up on the tdp website for Ethari's birthday, and to a series of screenshot edits I did, of maaaany of the tdp characters in flower crowns, which you can see on [my tumblr @numptypylon](https://numptypylon.tumblr.com/) in the tag 'tdp flower crown series'
> 
> Up next: ([ DiW 2: Perception](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54493135#workskin)) Fallout of the Bantherlodge mess
> 
> I’ll follow above notation, going forwards. It just means that the chapter(s) of the Callum pov between canon story, Downtime in Wartime, linked in the bracket comes before the next chapter of this story. It’s completely optional to read the Callum chapters though, and they’re one-shots like this story, so you can easily read whichever ones you like 😊


	3. Pain Comparted (S1E4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post-S1E4, after they get off the boat after the Bantherlodge mess.
> 
> Shortly before [DiW 3: Preconception](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54564280#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented and kudos'ed on the first two chapters! I really appreciate both those of you taking this route for the second time and new readers! And I'm happy to hear from any of you <3
> 
> I’m doing hidden content warnings for this story, so readers can choose if they want them or not. The story will never push the T-rating, content warnings will just be for things such as blood, vomit and suggestive content, that some readers may be sensitive to. None of these things will be very graphic in this story, so if you’re not too bothered, I recommend just going ahead and reading the chapters, because of course they’ll occasionally be a bit spoilery.
> 
> Chapter warnings (highlight to read, or copy and paste if on iphone): blood, minor injuries
> 
> Let peak Rayllum antagonism commence...

  
  


1.39AM, May 18th, 998AB, East Bank of Arlendis River, Central Katolis

Reluctantly, Rayla went back to the water she had _just_ left behind.

She had to, though. If the blood was allowed to dry fully, it would be way more of a bother. So tired and achy and _angry…_ whatever. She was cleaning up _now_.

She raised her hand to her temple, where that big human woman’s fist had connected solidly. It hurt, swelling sore skin pulling. A bit of her hair was stuck to her skin. She gingerly traced the edge of a small cut where the woman’s gauntlet had caught her skin. Nothing to worry about.

Her head throbbed dully. Nothing to worry about either.

She poked her nose. Definitely didn’t hurt enough to be broken.

So it was fine.

She was fine.

She tugged at the ragged end of her severed braid. A bit of it was still holding together but it wouldn’t last long without the clasp.

That was fine too.

Even if she couldn’t make another one, because she always made a mess of it when she couldn’t see what she was braiding and Ethari wasn’t here and… that was fine, except now she was _thinking_ about Ethari and his fingers through her hair, and _wanting_ that-

And it was stupid that she did because he was far away and not about to come out of those trees with the candied moonberries he made for her when she’d hurt herself.

So she should stop moping and get going, was what she should do. _Definitely_ wanting Ethari to… what? _Comfort her?_ That was ridiculous and childish, and she had to be _better_ than that. She was an assassin on a mission, she didn’t need Ethari to kiss her owies like she was 5 years old, or tell her that she shouldn’t let some dumb boy upset her. She knew that, and knew how to take care of _herself._

There was a smeared streak of red across the back of her right hand, where she had wiped her nose and mouth and the water was right _there_ so… why was she _hesitating?_ At least that thought made her angry enough at herself to defiantly stick her hands under the water’s edge, rubbing at the dried smear. It was stupid too, the irrational thought that something would come out of the water and pull her under-

It was a dumb, regular old human lake. No monsters. No broken bones or anything else wrong.

No Runaan telling her off for striking impatiently and leaving an opening for that fist.

No Ethari fussing over her bruises.

No one who gave a shit about her.

That was fine. She shouldn’t have… _expected_ that.

“Rayla?” Ezran’s voice from behind her. He was upset, she could tell without looking. Of course he was, it had been scary, no doubt, what had happened, and she wasn’t mad at _him._

She turned around to look at the boy, holding out a handkerchief. She had do something, because his brow was furrowed and his little round face screwed up with upset.

“Hey,” she said gently. “We’ll be okay here. The current was strong, they won’t catch up for many hours in this terrain-”

He looked at her like she had grown another head. “I’m not afraid of _that,_ ” Ezran said. “I’m just here to help you. I’m not Callum, so you can’t convince me elves can see their own faces.” He winced, looking at the face in question.

“You don’t… I’m fine, Ezran.”

But he looked stubborn and not about to leave her alone to be miserable for some reason. “ _My_ aunt hit you!”

“Sorry. I’m not really… good company right now.”

“ _You_ don’t need to be good company, _I’m_ here to be good company because _my_ family hurt you. My aunt _and_ my brother. Callum didn’t mean it though! He’s a jerkface sometimes, but he always figures it out and apologizes! And there’s a dance! Well… for me, anyway. I’ll make him do it for you-”

Ezran kept chatting, outlining some choreographed dance thing, but it was hard to concentrate, with her head pounding and the taste of blood on her lips just… reminding her of what Callum had said… what all those other humans had believed without question.

She wiped at her mouth, trying to get rid of the taste, but the words stuck in her head.

Bloodthirsty monster.

She probably looked like that right now, with the blood from her nose having run across her mouth and chin while she had been tied up. She stared numbly at her fingers, stained red.

“I guess I look the part-” she muttered.

Ezran spun around from where he had been dipping his handkerchief in the lake. He had clearly heard. The old informational nugget of human hearing being vastly inferior to elven might not have been totally correct. And Ezran had… _understood,_ too, because his jaw set and his eyes narrowed at her. “No, you don’t!” Ezran regarded her appearance critically. “You look like a girl. With horns. That someone punched in the face.”

Despite everything, Rayla laughed. “That’s about right.” She would take that.

The boy dipped his handkerchief in the lake, wiping carefully at her face. She _couldn’t_ see her own face and it _was_ helpful to have second set of eyes. She looked down at her lap at her own hands blurring into a blob, letting him do it. Her head hurt and her eyes were itching to close.

Ezran cocked his head at her when she looked back up at him. “You look tired.”

“Yeah, I… am.”

Despite her best efforts, she flinched when he cleaned the swollen, definitely-bruising skin at her temple. And that was no good, because it was worrying Ezran, when it was nothing to worry about.

“Does your head hurt?” he asked, worried.

Yes. “No.”

“Yes, it does.” Ezran said sternly. “Lying is wrong. Even if it’s to make me feel less bad about my aunt hurting you. I’ll make her apologize. She’s really stubborn, like you, but she’s good underneath, and when she knows what she’s done is wrong, she’ll apologize.”

But she had not _been_ wrong. She had attacked a foreign intruder from an enemy nation in her family’s house, using no more force or cruelty than was warranted. She had definitely pulled the second punch, or her nose absolutely _would_ have been broken, she had _felt_ that terrifying strength- “It’s okay. She did what she thought was right.”

“But you’re angry,” Ezran pressed.

“Not at her.” She was angrier at Callum than at his aunt. _He_ had known what could have happened. Hadn’t given a shit about it being dangerous, had wanted that dumb toy anyway.

“At Callum? Yeah, he didn’t really think things through, but-”

“He didn’t care to. Why should he? He thinks I’m- ….never mind.”

“He doesn’t think you’re a monster!” 

She knew _that,_ just… he didn’t think she was like _him_ either. It was hard to make sense of, but she was sure about being mad at him for it.

“I know, but-” she said, searching for words that weren’t coming to her. She wasn’t sure she could explain it to Ezran, when she could barely wrap her own useless, achy head around it.

“It was really dumb, what Callum said, but he _really_ didn’t mean for the humans to attack you. He thought you’d be in more danger if they _weren’t_ afraid of you.”

Rayla cocked her head at Ezran, smirking a bit, without mirth. “Lying is wrong, remember? Even if it’s to make me feel better.”

“I’m not! He was really worried. He still is, just look at him, _really_ look.”

She glanced sideways at Callum, seated against a tree, half-shielded by his sketchbook. She could see his furrowed brow though. His messy hair and charcoal smudge on his forehead, where he had dragged his hand through it. He did it again, just now, his fingers clenching slightly around the strands at the back of his head. His gaze sneaked up to glance in her direction, quick and furtive, back down right away.

He paused, as if frozen. Very obviously realizing she had caught him looking. Then he kinda… purposefully and determinedly kept on drawing.

Dork.

She should probably… talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> It was some negative feelings in this chapter, and pretty important for Rayla's character arc in this story, so by all means, let me know if/how that worked for you. Rayla is a tough nut to crack, writing wise.
> 
> If you want the talk between Rayla and Callum that happens right after this chapter, DiW 3, linked below, has you covered.
> 
> Up next: ([DiW 3: Preconception](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54564280#workskin), [DiW 4: Rooted](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54641407#workskin)) After a much nicer boat ride, Rayla teaches Callum to plant his feet in the face of scary things


	4. Heart Left Unguarded (S1E5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post-S1E5, after the boatride, the evening before Corvus finds them.
> 
> Shortly after [DiW 4: Rooted](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54641407#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's commented and kudos'ed on this story! I really appreciate it, I'm happy to hear you're enjoying revising the old haunts.
> 
> Now for a whole lot of banter and bonding, since this is after the 5-questions scene, and they're in a much better place than last chapter.
> 
> If anyone's wondering about Down to Earth, I haven't abandoned it, this semester is just kicking my ass, and it's a time consuming story to write. This one I can manage easier, because chapters are so much shorter. But I'll return to it when I get some breathing room in a few weeks.

  
  


8.12PM, May 18th, 998AB, edge of Dimar Mountains, Central Katolis

It was supposed to be fighting stance lessons, not… whatever _this_ was.

Smiling? Talking?

 _That_ wasn’t usually a part of these types of lessons, at least… not like this.

_Runaan’s tiny smile, when she succeeded at something difficult-_

Pah. Callum hadn’t even _tried_ yet, much less succeeded.

It was a fluke anyway, that weird… ba-dump her heart had done when Callum had leaned down next to her on the boat.

So what if humans were cute?

Some of them, at least.

It didn’t… _mean_ anything. Just a very pointless observation that Callum was one of the unfairly cute humans.

And anyway, she was putting those dumb and pointless thoughts _behind_ her, because they were dumb and pointless. But Callum could at the very least have the consideration to stop _smiling_ at her. Because it was _not_ helping.

At all.

Rayla smiled back. Completely… without thinking about it. She still… _would have…_ obviously. Wasn’t like it was weird, smiling at someone who smiled at you.

His hair had shone in warm, golden shades when the sun hit it.

Hers didn’t. Not like that. Why couldn’t his hair be normal and glow in _moonlight?_ She was used to _that._

You could want to touch your friends’ hair, right? If it was all floofy and soft-looking? Like… a shadowpaw kitten or an adoraburr?

Yeah. _Ignoring_ that.

And definitely don’t be weird and _tell_ him he’s an unfairly cute human.

“You look like you lost a battle with the firewood,” Rayla said, instead. That was also true, after all. There was a smear of charcoal across his forehead and cheek. Black on his fingers and cuffs.

“Yeah, sorry. I stacked too much and had to remove some of it. It’s burning alright now, though.” And he smiled. _Again._ That just… wouldn’t do.

She shook her head and straightened up, determined. “Callum, I’ve been neglecting a vital part of your wilderness education,” she grinned. “Sass. It’s important.”

“Wilderness…?” He looked confused. “Uh… well, I consider myself-”

“Shush now. There was a right answer to what I just said, and it was to rightfully tell me _I_ look like I was repeatedly punched in the face and then eaten by a lake monster. And that I smell like fish guts.” She took a mocking bow. Her damp hair flopped into her face, smelling like lake water and electrocuted fish and solidly proving her point.

But he winced, at that. She was really not doing a stellar job at keeping things upbeat, but it was kinda hard when he failed to see the humor in objectively funny things. She frowned a bit. “Fine,” she sighed. “You can tell me I’m awesome instead, if you really must.”

“You’re awesome.” What?! And he was _still_ fucking _smiling!_

“You don’t speak sarcasm so well, do you?” she scoffed.

“Yes, actually, I do. I just disagree with you. You fought a whole huge lake monster today? How’s that not awesome?”

“ _You_ defeated the lake monster. _I_ got eaten.”

“And got yourself and Bait… un-eaten. Under water. That you’re scared of.” He looked honestly disbelieving, but-

But it didn’t matter. She knew herself better than he did. And besides, there were things she hadn’t told him that would change his mind about her real quick. So even if he actually meant that, it wasn’t really a reflection of her awesomeness but of his kindness and… incomplete knowledge of her.

And she was supposed to be teaching him to plant his feet, he had asked after she had taught Ezran, now asleep by the fire.

That ‘I’m standing here, _you_ move’ kinda thing feeling inside and the rooted, strong feeling outside? It was a good thing to be able to do, stand unmoving, against scary things.

Rayla picked up the stick-sword she had used to teach Ezran, abandoned on the grass. She shifted it to her right hand. It was fine. She could use it if she _had_ to, and she was not thinking about it _now_ , because it was irrelevant until it kept her from fighting. Hopefully it would be a while till then. It just kinda twinged a bit.

Okay.

Maybe… more than a bit.

But it was definitely manageable.

“Did you get hurt worse than I know? When you fought my aunt yesterday? Or when you fought the lake monster?” Shit. Her face really was like… a useless, whiny, little tattletale with an F in illusions. And that wouldn’t be a problem except he was always _looking_ at her face-

“It’s fine.”

But he kept looking at her, brows furrowing. _Suspicious?_ “That wasn’t really… what I asked. It’s like yesterday. It’s like you’re answering something different than I’m asking. But you actually believe it, even when it’s obviously not true. Like that you’re not awesome. Or that you were _fine_ yesterday.” No, _concerned_. Worse.

“I was! And I am!”

“You should be allowed to not be fine right after you were beaten and tied up and almost kill-” He swallowed. “ _I’m_ not really fine, you know. After just- _seeing_ that. And seeing… other stuff. Earlier.” The tower. He had been there, in the fighting. He had seen things, and he was not used to violence.

Neither was she. Not like _this._ Not the opponents she had faced the last few days.

The lake monster.

Callum and Ezran’s aunt.

The human soldiers.

The smoke wolves.

…Runaan.

She was outclassed. She was _losing._

 _Had_ lost, every time.

Her hand went halfway to her temple, still swollen and sore, proof that she wasn’t _good enough_ for what she was facing. Not even close. And without her left hand she would be _way_ further away from being good enough.

She dropped her hand and straightened up. It didn’t matter. She could damn well try her hardest. This was _important._ Far more so than anything she had done. She had lost every battle _so_ far, but… she hadn’t yet lost the one that _mattered_ , keeping Callum and Ezran alive and getting the dragon egg home.

Callum was still looking at her though, and the needless concern had gone nowhere at all. “You… _were_ punched in the face and eaten by a lake monster and bitten by those wolves… in the last _three days._ And you were right, yesterday. I missed stuff. With you. You just… you seemed like you could do anything, like you didn’t even _get_ tired or upset or scared or hurt.”

 _…felt as if you saw me as both more and less than a person,_ she had said, and he had listened and not gotten mad.

And it was _changing_. The way he was looking at her _now_ was different.

Or maybe the way she was looking at him?

Both?

He peered at her temple, where her hair was probably only half-covering the evidence of that beating. “It already looks better than yesterday,” he wondered, relieved.

“Close to the full moon. So yeah.” She rubbed the bite mark from the smoke wolves, almost faded. “I heal faster.” It would be half in a few days though. It wouldn’t last, that boost. And her hand _wouldn’t_ get better, it would get worse until-

“I’m glad you’ll be okay,” he said. “I’m sorry I asked to go there. I really didn’t think… yeah. I didn’t think. Of you. Not until it was too late.”

“It’s really nothing,” she said, squirming a bit under his gaze. “Have _you_ never been punched in the face before?”

“No!” _Really?!_ And he was her age. Huh. “Who would hit you?” he asked, looking comically troubled about it.

Maybe she thought her parents had? And yeah, of course _that_ would be different and bad.

“Just sparring partners and occasionally other kids at school,” she shrugged, assuring him.

“I’ve never been to school.” Oh right, he’d said. “It doesn’t sound great.”

“Ah, it’s okay, except for being mostly really boring. Not like I didn’t give as good as I got.” _Usually._ The last time, right after her parents had betrayed their mission, it had been… different. Different and horrible. It hadn’t been a _fight,_ it had been a vice grip holding her arms fast, Vareil and Emina taking turns just… doing what they wanted. Toying with her.

Ethari had seen it right away, too, when he found her afterwards, because he hadn’t scolded her at all and had whispered something in Runaan’s ear, and then Runaan hadn’t scolded her either.

She shook her head, pushing those shitty memories away. She was _fixing_ things. She would do this and then go home, and it would be better and people wouldn’t hate her anymore.

“Well?” she prodded, turning back to Callum and the thing they had come here to do. “Square up?”

He had asked _her_ but… he was hesitating now. “Um. Maybe- …uh.”

“Callum? Why are you…” Was he _actually_ afraid of her, unlike his brother? Did he think she would hurt him? She had thought, in the boat and just now… that he saw her as a person. A friend, even. You weren’t supposed to be afraid of your friends.

Or lie to them.

Never mind.

But it seemed important that he knew that she wouldn’t hurt him, even if she could.

She had, she knew. She had used her strength and speed against him, chased him, pushed him down, threatened him. She would never do it again, but-

But she _had,_ and he was allowed to still be wary about her, she couldn’t really complain about that. She set her jaw.

“What’s wrong?” Callum asked.

It tumbled out of her, honest and childish. “You’re- you- you’re _afraid_ of me. You’re _nervous._ I can tell. That’s why you didn’t want to do it before, with me and Ez.”

“No!” That was honest too, and she breathed out in slight relief. “I’m not afraid of you. Really. I haven’t really been, since… well, definitely it was within a couple of hours of meeting you. I’m afraid of… _failing._ ” Oh, how she felt _that_ sentiment in the pit of her soul. “I told you, I’m pretty useless at… most things. I didn’t want to- want _you_ to… think that.” He was looking down at his feet, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

“I don’t. And I won’t, even if you’re rubbish at this… I won’t. And I’m pretty sure you won’t be.” He had looked right at her, at her sword at his throat, and told her he was Prince Ezran. He had gone back into that tower for- for the king. It was pretty baffling how he could think he wouldn’t be good at planting his feet in the face of scary things. He was obviously _very_ brave when it came to the people he cared about.

“You think?” He was smiling slightly, hopefully, he wasn’t _quite_ believing it but-

But _she_ did.

“I _know_ ,” she said. “Now square up.”

He did, letting her position his body right.

“You have to feel it,” she explained. “That unmoving thing inside you. I know you have it, because I’ve seen it. You just have to get your head in the right place. I saw your drawing of that room, remember? So, I know you can see a place in your head, if you know what it is.”

“Yeah?”

“So, imagine Ez behind you.

He did, she could tell.

“And plant your feet.”

He did.

She lunged at him, putting on her best scary-face.

He didn’t flinch.

He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, and I hope you're enjoying the Rayla-voice. She's tricky to write because, maybe MOST exemplified by this chapter, I see a huge difference between what she feels and what she says.  
> For the same reason, I'm also unsure where on the sad-funny scale these things end up, so please do let me know if you have thoughts on that :)
> 
> Up next: ([DiW 5: Responsibility](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54727567#workskin)) In the ice cave, Callum and Rayla have a chat about Rayla’s hand


	5. Hand to be Discarded (S1E7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set pre-S1E7, when they stay in the mountain cave after the egg and Ez fell in the lake.
> 
> A few hours after [DiW 5: Responsibility](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54727567#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented and kudos'ed on this story so far! I always love hearing from you guys and it really means a lot <3
> 
> Now to crank up the angst levels for a few chapters, because both Rayla's hand AND the Harrow secret are starting to hurt

9.20PM, May 19th, 998AB, Dimar Mountains, Central Katolis

The wind was still howling when Rayla awoke, groggy and cold and not at all rested.

Callum had kept the fire going while she had managed maybe an hour of rather fitful sleep, huddled up to the _very_ heavily sleeping Ezran. Her hand was _really_ starting to become an issue, in that regard. It ached now, sharp and constant and she wasn’t even using it.

She sat up, and went to join him by the fire. Might as well, since she wasn’t sleeping anymore right now.

So _he_ might as well.

“Hey?” she said, startling him out of the staring-numbly-ahead half-stupor. “You should sleep. I’ll watch the fire.”

His face got very stubborn, even through the obvious fatigue. “I claimed the firewood. I’m holding you to that. And you didn’t sleep enough at _all_.”

“Callum,” she sighed. “We both need to be functional tomorrow. You’re tired. You can sleep. I can’t. So _you_ should. It’s not a statement, just common sense.” It _didn’t_ sound like common sense, even to her, it sounded like what is was, someone so exhausted they were desperate to not argue.

“You couldn’t sleep?” Of course he pounced on _that_ part of what she’d said. His gaze went to her left hand, cradled to her chest, carefully clenching and releasing to relieve the stiffness and ache from the inactivity of sleep. “Because of your hand?”

She let go of it, letting it dangle at her side, because that was what you did when it was… okay. “It’s okay. I’m awake so you should sleep, was the important part of what I was saying.”

He didn’t seem to agree with that, in fact he seemed to barely be listening, his gaze fixed on her hand.

She turned away from him.

“It’s not… really, though?” he asked. “Okay, I mean? Is it? If it’s hurting you worse?”

Rayla straightened up, because you shouldn’t be curled around yourself like a wounded little prey creature if you were okay, either.

She didn’t look at him, but _he_ was still looking at _her_ , she could feel his… eyes on her, his _attention_ on her.

“And it’ll _keep_ getting worse… until-” he added.

“I’m… don’t worry about it,” she said, rather failing at making it all the way to the nonchalance she was aiming for, but she could at very least reassure him so didn’t have to be so upset about it. She turned to look him in the eyes, because _this_ bit she could say honestly. “I’m okay with it.”

“ _How?!”_ he asked, disbelieving. “Sorry but… that’s nuts! How are you okay with that? It’s not _my_ hand and _I’m_ not okay with it. With you hurting _or_ you-” He cut off, biting his lip.

He couldn’t even say it, and he was definitely even less okay with _that_ , the thought of her losing her hand. She was already dead, Runaan had said. Whatever happened to her now, it would suck, definitely, but it really _was_ okay.

She shrugged. “I was trained as an assassin. I was ready to die, Callum.” He was staring at her, open-mouthed, now. “I’m still ready to die.” He had to get that. _This…_ whatever this was? He would have to get over that, and fast. “You know our mission. You and Ezran are here to deliver the egg to the dragon queen. _I_ am here to get you there. In whatever way I can. And if that means you run and I stay, _then you run._ You get that?”

“No.”

“Callum, it’s not up for debate.”

“Good. Because I’m not arguing. I’m telling you no. I’m not doing that. That’s horrible.”

“Yeah, of course it’s horrible! Not like I’m hoping it’ll happen. But it might. And it’ll be okay.”

“NO!” he yelled, springing to his feet to stare her down. “It’s nuts, what you’re saying! How can it be okay if it’s horrible?!”

“Sometimes… there aren’t any options that are good.” Rayla rubbed her aching hand. Not like she _wanted_ to lose it. She wouldn’t be able to fight as well, ever again. She might be nigh-useless for a while, if she did. She had spent her whole life training, and- “Sometimes, you have to look at the horrible options, and see which is less horrible. And we definitely agree that my hand is a steal, to buy your brother’s life. And my life is a steal, to end this war.”

He looked horrified, his mouth opening and closing, like he was searching for the words. They weren’t there for him to find though, because she was _right_ -

“You’re a person,” he said, eventually. “Not… currency. You’re… you _should_ be _… yours_. Your life ought to be yours and no-one else’s. It’s not some… equation. It’s not okay at all. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m _right_ about this _._ And… Rayla? Me being sure about things…? That doesn’t really happen a lot. But I’m sure about _this._ ” His feet were planted, like she had showed him earlier, on the riverbank.

He didn’t grow up with this. Sacrifice. Maybe he needed time to get used to the idea? And it would be easier for him? And what he was saying was… well, she wasn’t thinking about that, she was tired anyway, and so was he, and it _wasn’t_ up for debate, so arguing about it was pointless.

“Fine. We disagree,” she sighed. He could have his opinion or ideals or whatever, and reality would happen regardless of it. “Think about it, okay? That’s all I ask.”

She slumped forwards, sitting in front of the fire. Even with the ache on the outside and the turmoil on the inside… she was so tired. The orange flames were blurring into the background, her thoughts blurring too, into each other and hard to distinguish.

Callum’s hand on her shoulder startled her out of her stupor. “Hey? Your argument for staying awake is about done for.” He sounded just a bit triumphant. “Sleep? While you can?”

That _was_ the exact argument she had given him. And she _was_ sleepy. She walked numbly to the pile of pine branches where Ezran lay, huddling up close to him on the cold side, away from the fire.

She must have fallen all the way asleep, at least for a little bit, because she woke up halfway when Ezran shifted next to her and the rest of the way when Callum crunched a branch under his foot when he came over to them.

“I’m fide,” Ezran sniffled. “Just a dream. Not even… a really bad one.” That last bit wasn’t quite true, and Callum definitely got that.

Her cracked eyelids showed his hand in Ezran’s hair. Soothing noises.

She could almost pretend it was for her, too.

She was almost asleep again when she felt it, Callum’s warm fingers against her cold and achy left hand, twisted in the cloak. Then he drew away and she missed the warmth she hadn’t missed before.

“I hope I can show you, Rayla.” Callum’s voice in the cold darkness, very quiet but… also filling it, somehow. “That you’re wrong. Or maybe… _that’s_ wrong, too. I don’t… I don’t care about _winning_ , I care about _you…_ and-”

He sighed, his footsteps retreating.

Callum was _so_ weird. You couldn’t just… _say_ you cared about someone.

Pfft. It was temporary anyway. It would last until she told them about their dad. _She_ would have to get used to _that._

She should wait long enough for it to not give away that she had been awake and then talk to him because this wasn’t fair at all-

_“She is a child, and her punishment will be that of a child.”_

_“Runaan, I can take the punishment I deserv-”_

_“No. That decision is not yours. Go home. Leave this place, where you do not belong.”_

_“But-”_

_“LEAVE.”_

Rayla was vaguely away of the real world, bleeding into cold and painful and… brief… focus, her cold fingers twisting around coarse cloth, her left hand sharp ache, the smell of smoke and Ezran next to her. Then the focus faded again, but the cold and the pain followed her.

_“Rayla, just… Go away! Our dad is-”_

_“Callum, I’m-”_

_“LEAVE!”_

Rayla gasped, sitting up, cradling her left hand to her chest. Callum’s head snapped up from where he had been slumping forwards, hugging his knees by the fire.

She walked back over to him, forcing herself to smile, inadequate as it was.

“Go sleep,” she said. “It really _is_ your turn now.”

“Uh, not even close, you didn’t sleep very long, you know. Or very well, it looked like.”

“Not particularly, but that doesn’t mean _you_ get to not sleep. I’ll be okay. Moon’s still gibbous.”

It was out now, the storm had abated enough for the moonlight to make it through the cloud cover. She could feel its energy, and even diminished by clouds as it was, the strength it lent her would let her stay awake till morning.

“Gibbous is the egg-shaped one, right?” Callum asked. Right, that word wasn’t exactly common knowledge outside of Moonshadow culture. He actually _did_ seem to know it though.

“That least dramatic of moon shapes, yes,” she smirked. “Neglected by fairytale writers but appreciated by my people. It’s objectively the second-best moon-shape.”

He grinned. “It doesn’t figure in elven stories either?”

“In Moonshadow stories it does, but otherwise not so much.”

Callum looked up at the undramatic and fuzzy egg shape of light. The moonlight reflected off his face, but not like she was used to. He didn’t… respond, inside. “Can you tell me one of those stories?” he asked dreamily, then seemed to snap back into reality. “Uh. You don’t really have to tell me…”

She shouldn’t be telling him a _story,_ she should be telling him the _truth._

But then he wouldn’t sleep at all, she bet, and he needed to. She couldn’t tell him _now,_ when he was about to keel over and trapped in this cave with her.

“Go to bed and I will,” she said, instead of the full truth he deserved.

He looked stubborn for about half a second, before a yawn split his face. He rubbed his eyes, and seemed to relent. “Alright. Guess I’m… done. Wake me up when you want to sleep more though?”

She really, _really_ didn’t, right now. Even if she _had_ wanted to, her head was reeling and her hand was hurting too much to even _relax,_ much less actually sleep.

A story though? That, she could manage.

Callum laid down with his arms around Ezran and smiled up at her while he listened to the frankly quite boring story. She had deliberately picked a boring one, without a single person being gutted or tortured, so he would fall asleep, but he was paying attention, regardless.

His breaths gradually slowed though, and his eyes closed. When she finished the story, his eyelids cracked slightly open and he gave her a little smile. Then he let go, and was fully asleep.

The warmth inside her lasted the whole walk back to the warmth of the fire and the moonlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Up next: ([DiW 6: Unbound](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54799912#workskin)) After they arrive at the Moon Nexus and the binding has come off, Rayla isn’t feeling so hot


	6. Head Barely Regarded (S1E9)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post-S1E9, a few hours after the events of the season finale.
> 
> A couple of hours after [DiW 6: Unbound](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54799912#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's read and commented and kudos'ed on this story!
> 
> Last chapter of season 1! It's long, and so is the next, because they have a bit more actual downtime at this point :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy! It's the last of the rhyming chapters, up next comes the PUNS! I steered into the skid because titles are hard :D
> 
> Chapter warnings (highlight to read, or copy and paste if on iphone): blood, mild horror imagery

5.48AM, May 21st, 998AB, The Moon Nexus, Central Katolis

She was almost there, the line of the battlements visible above her.

Well. Not really almost, no. But she would _get_ to almost, and then she would get to all the way there.

And then, she would fix this.

Rayla pushed herself upwards, out of the shaded part of the wall and into the orange light of the moonset.

Her arms were screaming, her breath burning in her lungs, but she could _do_ this.

She thrust upwards another few feet, and hammered the pick-form of her right blade deep into the crumbling mortar of the castle wall.

Not deep enough though. It wasn’t _enough_.

 _She_ wasn’t enough-

No!

She would _fix_ this.

Her right blade was slipping from the wall and she was sliding _down_ but… she could _fix_ this, she had two blades for a reason.

She drew back her left with all her might and struck.

The sound was soft flesh, not hard metal.

And whooshing of air, now.

Just… air… around her.

She reached for the wall plummeting past, the wall that was too far away, her reach not _enough_.

Her hands tightened around nothing.

No.

_Hand._

That was why she… hadn’t been enough. It was… only seconds of nauseous horror, staring at the stump where her left hand had been and then-

Impact ringing through her, a dizzying smack like the ground but worse because it was _water,_ rising up to envelop her, crushing around her, pulling at her, out of her control.

The rock that struck her was a mercy because it was solid, but it was brief comfort, because one hand wasn’t enough to hold on and the not-hand was bleeding now, turning the water around her to red, hot and cloying and choking, all around.

She was yanked every which way by the current, but then she was yanked _upwards_ , and it was not air or water anymore but solid ground, and she almost sobbed with relief until she saw who had rescued her.

“You _lied_ to me.”

Runaan said nothing else, or bothered to even look at her. He just left, disappearing in the trees like he had before.

Rayla curled around herself, hugging the stump of her left wrist close to her chest, but the blood just kept flowing, seeping into her shirt and into the ground beneath her, like the current and the falling… out of her control.

“You lied to me.”

It was Callum’s voice, not accusing like Runaan’s had been, but soft and sad and _worse_.

His face blurred when she tried to focus on him and then he was gone too.

Rayla shut her eyes. She couldn’t fix it. She couldn’t fix anything.

It was all floaty now. The ground was too soft and the blood was sticky and hot… everything too sticky and hot.

Hot?

That wasn’t-

It wasn’t _real._

And then it _was_.

Maybe?

Rayla’s right hand fumbled in the maybe-realness, catching a handful of damp cloth, slipping against the hot, sweaty skin of her left forearm. Her exploration halted there, before moving down to… well, she didn’t know what, was the point.

Pushing past the childish dread that had made her _hesitate,_ like she wasn’t supposed to, she continued down, her fingers closing around thin cloth and solid, real flesh underneath, where there hadn’t been anything. Shouldn’t have been anything? It felt… not _quite_ real still, though?

She stared at the bandaged left hand that was still there when it shouldn’t be. Not even hurting, even though she was sure it had and still ought to. The gauze was loose enough for her to stick her fingers under it to be _sure_ that binding wasn’t there anymore. It wasn’t. Just skin she could feel was still swollen but which didn’t hurt like it should.

There was some thick, slippery stuff too, on her fingers, now. It smelled like the herbs at the Silvergrove Ethari used for healing ointments, and she remembered that Callum had spread it over her hand and wrist and told her she shouldn’t mess with it. Oops.

She breathed. It was real. The gauze was not tight, not like the binding. Callum, soft and gentle, had tied it, not Runaan, strict and demanding.

Her hand was real and there, but… it was stiff and weird, and kinda numb, like some foreign thing, not really _hers._ Nothing was really hers though, not _really._ She had bound herself to a task and she had failed to do it and yet she was free now?

She didn’t feel it. Her heart for Xadia, she had said. Her hands had been bound.

That left her head, no prize at the best of times and not working at all _now_ , it seemed. Everything was too hot, like heatwaves in the air that definitely weren’t real but… useless head couldn’t even tell properly, what _was_. She blinked at the fuzzy outlines of the room.

It was somewhere she didn’t know at all, some ruin of a bedroom, two double beds and Callum and Ezran asleep in the one she wasn’t in and the wee, newborn dragon prince curled up in Ezran’s arms.

She sat there, looking at the precious beings in the bed opposite, safe and asleep, until she was sure it was really, _really_ real. But it was.

She smiled widely. It _was._

Wait.

There was a wolf next to her?

Right. Ava. It was Ava. Not asleep either, the light blue eyes luminous and watching.

Rayla pushed herself up to sitting, the heavy blankets falling away a relief, but the oppressive heat didn’t go away even though the air was cool. 

Ava laid her head in her lap, whining quietly and looking up at her.

She patted the big head, reassuring. Her arms were really heavy though, so only a few pats.

It was a good wolf though. Soft and real and solid in the not-good floaty world. She slumped against the furry body. All of her was so heavy.

She needed water, maybe? There was a basin in the corner and her mouth tasted funny, like… candied moonberries so… maybe she was hurt?

Ethari wasn’t here though, that was silly. And sad, but she wasn’t thinking about that because she wasn’t a kid, kids didn’t bind themselves like she had, that would be really awful.

And her mouth tasted more like gross carpet and dryness anyway, with just like… a _hint_ of candied moonberries.

Right.

Water.

She should… get some.

But Ava nudged her gently with her big nose, pushing her back against the pillows, further away from the water basin, and bounced away.

Rayla sat back up, pushing against downwards pull and away from the sticky, cloying heat of the linens. It wasn’t enough to escape the heat and the heaviness, and her arms weren’t doing their job at all, weird and trembly. Who needed them, anyway? But she had them, both of them.

And Callum was awake now, sitting up in his bed, looking over at her. All sleepy and yawny and cute. Silly wolf had gone and woken him up.

“Hey,” he said quietly, padding over to her on bare feet. “That fever Lujanne warned about, when all the bad stuff in your hand got into the rest of your body? That’s a thing?”

“’m fine,” she said. Her voice didn’t feel right either. “Jus’ sleepy.” She was. Just sleepy. But he didn’t believe her, she didn’t think, because his face got all frowny.

She supposed she had to admit she was _sticky_ too, brushing her hair to one side, away from the damp nape of her neck. Hot. Gross.

“Rayla, it’s okay that you’re not fine yet,” Callum said. Huh? But she was? “I’ll help you until you are. Ez too. We’ll help you.”

Pfft. _She_ could help her. She got out of the bed. She just needed… water. Air. A less gross and damp shirt? She definitely didn’t need _help_ for that. That was simple stuff, really.

The world just had to fall in line and stop spinning for a moment. Yeah.

Oops.

Her butt hit the bed she was sure she had just left.

Callum rushed forward, alarmed, to steady her.

He was… sturdier than she thought. At least sturdier than everything else in the stupid spinny world. “Hey.” His hand came to rest between her shoulder blades, all solid and real and nice and she didn’t want him to go, but he did. And would. He would, when he knew. “Careful. Okay? I’ll get you some water.”

He did, leaving her sitting on the edge of the bed.

She slopped water all over herself as she drank because her hands were shaky, and her left was still… not achy? But weird. All weird. Prickly. Stiff.

“You see?” Rayla accused, gesturing at her wet shirt, but the motion made the world even more untethered from real, solid things, so she held onto Callum, sturdy and fixed in place. “‘Is all floaty,” she muttered, into his shirt. “I could have been just achy, but noooo… you gave me the tasty painkillers and now m’not. But floaty instead?” And she was so tired and his shoulder was all comfy. “’m tough. Achy s’okay.”

“But I didn’t want you to be achy, Rayla. I know you’re tough, but you’re my friend and I don’t you hurting like you were before I gave you those painkillers. And you said it yourself, you’re very sleepy. So you needed to be less achy so you can sleep, see?”

He got her more water, and steadied her dumb shaky hands as she drank, this time. His hands were big and soft and cool against hers. Gentle. So gentle she wanted to cry. It was all wrong. He shouldn’t be… not when she knew what had happened. About his King-dad.

But she couldn’t tell him _now,_ because she knew… she wasn’t all _there_ right now, and she could at least be _there_ when she told him.

He got a wet cloth from where he had gotten the water, putting the coolness against the back of her neck.

It was nice.

 _He_ was nice.

And she was lying so he would keep being nice.

Just pushing it in front of her, the time when it was over and would hate her. And that wouldn’t even matter then, because he would _hurt_ and not smile anymore and-

A great big, ugly hiccupping sob broke the silence of the room.

That was her, wasn’t it? Yeah. Oops. That wasn’t the way to convince him she was okay. So she _really_ had to try harder.

Her useless head was the _worst_ head. Messing with her feelings and the floaty realness and… making her cry for no good reason.

“Hey, it’s okay!” Callum said, his hand at her shoulder, his other, still holding the cloth, wiping away the tears. “You’ll get better! The bad stuff that was in your hand would… kinda disperse, Lujanne said? Your body will fight it, and you’ll get better. I know you feel awful right now, you really don’t have to try to convince me you don’t, it’s… pretty obvious.”

Yeah. She was awful, and it was obvious, and the more awful she was, the nicer _he_ was.

Rayla sat there, for a while, leaning against his shoulder, feeling awful.

* * *

It was light out, when she woke up for the… third time? Fourth? She wasn’t sure, the night had been… off. Stupid, definitely-also-a-sedative, tasty painkillers. The floaty feeling was gone now though, and her hand felt _very_ real and very there and very achy, but way less than it had for days, and also… it was _there_ so she couldn’t really complain when that last bit alone was more that she expected or deserved.

The room was empty except for Ezran, sitting cross-legged on the opposite bed with Bait and Azymondias, looking curiously at her from Ezran’s lap.

“’Mornin’ Ez,” she muttered. _Was_ it morning? She had no idea. She looked up at the sunlight streaming through the ruined roof. Early afternoon, maybe?

“Good morning, Rayla.” Ezran walked over, and the wee dragon wobbled across her bed to gently nudge her face with his nose. Not the _worst_ awakening. The dragon prince was alive and happy and… ridiculously adorable. She hadn’t failed, not yet.

Ezran reached out his little hand to touch her forehead. Oh. Callum would have told him what a mess she had been all night… or day, as it were. Ezran’s round face screwed up in concern. “You were sick,” he said. “You still are.”

Those big blue eyes were even harder to argue with than Callum. At least Callum could give as good as he got. Ezran was… sensitive.

“I feel way better today,” she said. Not a lie. She took the glass of water Ezran offered her though, and ate the filled bun he handed her, some human food?

“You want to sleep more? Callum is off talking to Lujanne for a bit, anyway. Ellis will help you change if you need help, and her and Ava is getting water from the lake.” _Everyone_ knew what a mess she was, then. Awesome.

“Ez, it’s really okay. You don’t have to stick around. I’ll probably be a bit boring today.”

He patted her good hand. “Yeah, I think you _should_ have a boring day. I bet it’s been a while since you’ve had a boring day.” Oh. It… definitely had.

“And it’s been a while since you had a _fun_ day, right?” Rayla smiled at Ellis and Ava, just entering, carrying empty buckets. “So you and Ellis should explore this place, while you can? It’s Zym’s first day ever, it _should_ be a fun one! I’m going to sleep a bit more, anyway. Wash up. Eat. Boring stuff.”

“Okay.” Ezran looked at her, like… gauging. “Have a boring day,” he said sternly, more like a command than anything. She supposed he _would_ be king, one day. _Was_ alrea- Nope, not going there. “I’ll be back to check on you.”

“That’s no fun now, is it?” Rayla grinned. “Definitely, that shouldn’t be part of a fun day.”

“If you tell me and Ellis a fun story, about the Moonshadow elves who lived here, it will be!”

Fun story? Rayla grinned, wickedly. Yeah, she could change his mind on that prospect. And would. The kids needed their fun day, that didn’t include worrying about her. “Alright. There’s some really interesting lore on the Moon druids. You know they were illusionists, so they could mess with how other people see and hear and feel and smell and taste the world? There was supposedly a human boy that found his way here and broke into the library, and the Moon druids turned him inside out. Guts all on the outside. Really impractical and unhygienic. And they fed him his guts. Of course they didn’t _actually_ do that, they weren’t monsters. People don’t really like being fed their own kidneys or eyeballs, even if it _is_ just an illusion though. That squishy eyeball-consistency? In your _mouth?_ Ew. Anyway, that’s not the story, that would be kinda boring, the story is about this creature that’s _all_ squishy eyeballs, and lure children into hollow trees and eat them. I suppose it wasn’t _all_ squishy eyeballs then, it must have had _one_ mouth? Anyway, it’s a fun story, it’s kinda hard to summarize but it gets gnarly, I can say that much.”

“Awesome!” Ellis squealed, her face lit up. Ezran looked as horrified as had been her aim and Azymondias had cocked his head, looking confused, but Ellis was plenty excited enough to overrule the others. “Let’s go, Ez! Ava will take us on a tour! And we’ll make sure Zym has a fun first day of his life. And we’ll be back to check on Rayla and hear a super-fun story! That’s the _perfect_ day!” Ellis was pulling Ezran out the door as she spoke. There was excited barking and yipping from outside. Then they were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for making it through season 1 with me!
> 
> Next chapter is between seasons, but then season 2 and the Moon Nexus drama is a-go!
> 
> Up next: Rayla has a boring day (I know, I should have been a fanfiction saleswoman)


	7. Soft Touch (S2E1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in-between S1E9 and S2E1
> 
> Some hours before [DiW 7: Innocence](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54872215#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the comments and kudos! I really appreciate it, you have no idea!
> 
> I'm trying to get back to the regular schedule for Down to Earth, after the worst semester ever, but I might not actually have more time to write until after Christmas. I want to write a Christmas special for the middle school au too.
> 
> For now, have a nice chunky chapter of this story :)

  
  


2.51PM, May 21st, 998AB, The Moon Nexus, Central Katolis

Rayla didn’t think she really qualified as clean, but she thought she had at least managed to elevate her smell slightly above dead-squirrel-slowly-decaying-in-a-stream, using mostly her right hand and cold water and Lujanne’s Lunabloom-scented soap.

The hair was an issue though, with her left hand and wrist still bandaged and also a general painful nuisance, even as much better as it was. She could _do_ it, she would just have to actually think while she did and also it would just take a lot longer and… and she was so _tired._ She had almost fallen asleep leaning against the stone basin where she had had to sit down just to _wash,_ she was so pathetic today-

She blinked. Her cheek had been squished against her elbow, but now it was against poky rock and she was further down than she was sure she had been, just before.

Guess she could strike the ‘almost’ from that ‘almost falling asleep against the basin’ bit.

Yeah. Tomorrow, with the hair. Wasn’t like she was impressing anyone right now, even if her hair had rivaled Runaan’s majestic butt-length swoosh. Or like she had anyone to impress.

But she still sat up straighter, when Callum came up the stairs.

“You’re… bathing?” Callum asked, looking pointedly off to the side, despite her being fully dressed, minus the armor. “Uh. Sorry. I’ll… leave. Sorry.” Huh? Wasn’t like it was _her_ water, Ava and Ellis were the ones that had fetched it from the lake, if anything it was theirs. Some human thing? He seemed weirdly tense, whatever it was. “Let you… uh-” He clumsily made some taking off clothes gesture, as if that was somehow less awkward than just saying it.

“Callum, I’m not undressed, and won’t be, so… unclench please?” she sighed. “I’m just washing the essentials, and I’ve already finished. I’ll take a real bath tomorrow morning. So you can have the water, if you need to?” She hoped he got the hint that she was not the only one in need of a bath.

He turned back to her, relaxing a bit as he seemed to accept that no clothes were currently in the process of being removed. Maybe humans didn’t bathe together? Callum had gotten all embarrassed too, when she had asked about the little sheds in Ellis’ town, and she had gleaned from Ezran that they were probably just tiny, primitive human toilets, so clearly he had weird hang-ups about that stuff, and she shouldn’t judge.

He sat down opposite her, not looking terribly happy, as he looked her over. Well, she felt like an achy and half-soaked pile of elven uselessness, so that made two of them.

“How’s your-” Callum paused. “Everything.”

“Way better. Except living up to those books you read on elf hair care. Was a bit of a hair washing fail, but other than that I’m pretty good.” She waved her bandaged left hand in explanation. It was achy and stiff, and she felt too-heavy and too-hot. Much as she would like to get properly clean, she just couldn’t find the energy.

“I could help you?” he offered, surprisingly readily. For how weird he had been about the toilets and bathing, he was _very_ casual about touching her scalp which was just… _way_ more intimate. “If you want?”

“No!” She was _not_ lingering on the thought of how it would feel like, his hands through her hair, with his extra pinkos and soft, gentle fingers. “No. It’s not necessary. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“You got the bandages wet.” Callum was looking at her left hand, admonishing. “You weren’t supposed to.”

“What _else_ was I supposed to do?” she asked, shrugging. “I smelled _so_ bad.” Would he get the hint _this_ time-

“Ask for help?” he suggested. Pfft, like that was the first, second or fifty-second option.

“Yeeeah, remember those proud Moonshadow traditions I told you about?”

“The ones we agreed belongs on the pile of discarded-because-it’s-dumb-stuff, right next to ‘hating each others’ guts on principle’? Yeah. I do.” He pulled his glove off and brought his hand up to press gently against her forehead. It was cool and pleasant against her heated skin. “You definitely still have a fever.” He sounded unhappy. She _had_ been a big old bother for him last night, and kept him up.

“It’s nothing,” she assured him. “I’ll be fine tonight, I’m sure.”

“It’s not nothing!” He stood up abruptly, glaring angrily down at her.

Then he left, with a frustrated noise and nothing else.

Rayla sank back against the stone edge of the basin, pulling her legs up against her chest.

She messed up. As usual.

And she really _wasn’t_ supposed to get the bandage wet, and now the knot was sticking and she couldn’t get it open with one hand.

She rested her forehead against her knees.

Those tasty painkillers had very definitely worn off and after the not-even-proper-bath she had just had, her hand and wrist was aching again, and at least her head was supposed to be clearer, but it wasn’t even _really,_ because she felt so hot and tired anyway.

She was completely pathetic, and if Callum would have just left her alone to _be_ pathetic, then she could have worked on being less of a mess.

And now he had _left_. And she had better get used to that, because when she told him about his dad, he might well leave, and _never_ come back. She should… get it over with. It wasn’t fair to let him think she was better than she was.

She would get up, sluggish head and body be damned, go back, find her blades, get the wet bandage off…

And then find Callum. Tell him. Or maybe him _and_ Ezran? _Should_ she tell them both at once? The thought of facing them both was unbearable.

Was it just selfish, the urge to avoid that? They would have each other, then? But Callum knew his brother better and knew how to tell him. And if she told them both at once then Callum would have to comfort his brother when he was upset himself. She wasn’t sure at all what the least horrible way would be.

Her stupid head was not working at all and she wasn’t sure about any of it.

She _was_ sure though, that she was stalling. She had almost told them on the ice, she had so wanted to get it all out then, but now she couldn’t stand the thought of hurting them that badly. They were reeling from the past week, it had been a lot. And they weren’t safe here, in the human lands, and if they were sticking around here because of _her,_ they should at least be allowed to relax.

She ought to patrol the area, keep them safe.

She ought to tell them and stop clinging to the illusion that giving them another day of not knowing was anything but cowardice.

She ought to… do _better._

But she _didn’t_ do better, she just hugged herself tighter.

It all blurred together, the heat and the ache and the sick feeling inside that wasn’t even real but just her head messing with her.

“Rayla!” Callum voice was alarmed as he fell to his knees in front of her, his hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong? I mean, know… a lot of things, but-”

“Nothing,” she muttered, not looking fully up because she didn’t trust her stupid tattletale face to sell _that_ illusion.

Callum sighed. Yeah, so clearly her voice and body were _also_ flunking at illusions today. “Rayla,” he said gently. “We literally _just_ had this conversation.”

“You left,” she said, finally looking up at his face, which was not even a little mad, but a lot concerned and she didn’t know what to do about that either.

“To get dry bandages,” he said, holding them up to demonstrate. Oh.

“I thought you were mad.” That came out _so_ childish. How was it fair that she was so bad at illusions _and_ so bad at honesty?

His hand had felt cool against her too-hot face, but it felt warm against her dully aching left hand, still chilled from the water and the wet gauze.

“I can be mad at you and still care,” he said, but he didn’t sound mad anymore.

He sat closer, shifting to take her hand in both of his, starting to work on the knot.

She was so tired, and he was rapidly shortening the time before she could lie down to sleep. She didn’t _want_ to argue with him.

She wanted to… never mind. _That_ was not happening.

He unwound the wet cloth. Her wrist was still bruised in livid purple, but definitely better than yesterday. The chafed, raw skin and swelling had settled down a bit, and the burn from the sunforge blade was healing well enough. Callum didn’t look happy, though.

He brushed his fingers very lightly over the swelling, cupping her hand and wrist carefully in his other hand.

He was always so… gentle with her. She didn’t need it, she could take it _._

She _would_ take it, when she told him and broke what made him look at her like she was good. He deserved… the full truth. She would give it to him, and take whatever he gave back, even if it was hatred.

But… not now. She was so tired… so _weak._ He needed her to be strong, and she wasn’t, right now. He needed her to be okay enough to be properly angry with her.

He rubbed her palm and fingers like he had yesterday, outward strokes… soft. She knew Lujanne had said something about circulation to him. It wasn’t… what it felt like.

It did also hurt a little bit, but not enough so it showed, she hoped, because he periodically looked up at her face, and back down. And the stiffness eased and the cold left, so a pretty good tradeoff.

Then there was the soothing coolness that she knew in her _head_ was the ointment he must have brought, but it _felt_ like… just him.

Huh? It was dark? No, she must have closed her eyes. The feeling of his hands was the last bit of realness.

…

Rayla opened her eyes half-way. Fuzzy green-ness. Grass? She raised her hand to rub her eyes. Achy whiteness. Dry bandages covering her dumb garbage hand.

Then Callum-ness, bleeding into focus.

He was looking at her. Smiling slightly, seeming far away.

Maybe he was thinking of something nice. Like his dad who was dead, but he didn’t know that, so it would still _be_ nice, to him.

He flushed slightly when he noticed she was looking back.

Oh, she was smiling too.

“You didn’t need to…” she started. To what? Stay here watching her snooze? He could have left her here or poked her until she woke up. “-stay.”

“Ah, I needed to wash up, anyway,” he said, still all… soft.

“ _Did_ you wash up?” He didn’t really look any cleaner. There was still the same streak of dirt on his nose.

“Uh… no. I kinda… forgot. Zoned out. It’s okay. I’ll do it later.”

He didn’t need to walk her back to their bedroom either, she had really only wobbled a tiny bit when she got up.

“You really don’t… need to do all this,” she said, as she got back into bed for a nap and Callum got her water and a half-dose of the stupid tasty painkillers he had somehow convinced her to take just by looking at her. But she was unable to hold back the sigh of relief as she sank back against the softness that just seemed to reactivate the exhaustion all at once.

“It’s the least I can do.” He sounded so unhappy it was like… it hurt _her._ “Not much else I _can_ do, anymore.”

“That’s _not_ true!” Rayla exclaimed hotly.

“It is,” he said quietly. And resignation was not at all better than unhappiness. He deserved way better than both of those crappy feelings. “It’s okay. The primal stone was… a _thing_ , worth it for you and Zym, easy-” … _her?_

“ _Me?!”_ What?!

He looked at her, a bit bashful, but _he_ never lied. “Yeah. I mean… You were crying, and your hand had hurt you so bad and you were going to lose it and you thought you’d failed and… you were _crying-_ ”

“Ez was crying too,” she said, a bit defensively.

“Yeah, but I’ve seen Ez’s crying face a lot, he’s my little brother. _Your_ crying face is new. And really, really sad-looking.”

She had almost cried again last night? Maybe? It was a bit of a hazy blur of heat and the sedative-part of the stupid tasty painkillers. She wasn’t supposed to be crying at all, Runaan had _said_ she was too emotional-

“Don’t get used to it,” she said roughly.

“I don’t want to, that’s my _point._ ”

Dummy. It wasn’t on him if she was bawling.

“ _Your_ sad-face was really sad-looking,” she said. “Just now. When you said… being my nurse or whatever is the only useful thing you could do.”

“Yeah. I… talked to Lujanne, today. She said I’m missing that thing inside me. An arcanum. She said I’d never be able to do magic. So, I’ll just… tag along, when we leave. And you’ll do all the fighting because I would _literally_ do more harm than good, trying to help. I’ll tag along and watch you fight and hurt alone, and be useless except for patching you up afterwards and feeling sick about it-”

Rayla sat up to get into range, and poked his nose, because that shit was a new contender in the already overflowing roster of competitors for ‘dumbest thing Callum had ever said’.

“Hey!” she said, poking his forehead too, for good measure. “You think I exited the womb in a magnificent arc of fetus fluid, doing a triple backflip, severing the cord in mid-air and sticking the landing?!”

“Uh… I hope not because that’s a seriously disturbing image-”

“No! I trained almost every day for ten years! And you’re whining because your instant magic powers are gone? Find something else, or keep trying, if you’re set on the magic! And for fuck’s sake, don’t listen to _Lujanne_! Actually, don’t listen to _anyone_ telling you what you can’t do. And _don’t_ call yourself useless, that’s a bad word! Pretend it’s some extra-mild profanity like ‘nuts’, that’ll make it real simple for you to never say it.” He was smiling, a bit, even though it was pretty hypocritical to _tell_ someone to not let them tell anyone what to do. But fuck that. She could at least be a self-aware hypocrite. “Listen to _me_. I’m a wise old pile of floppy, wet garbage, dispensing infinite wisdom to the pilgrims who visit me at my shrine.” She gestured dramatically with her garbage hand at the rumbled bed linens surrounding her.

The smile that had been spreading on his face dropped at her last words.

“Rayla,” he said, very serious. “If I’m not allowed to say mean things about myself that should go for you, too. You’re injured and sick _._ That’s different.”

“If the garbage bag fits?” She shrugged. “I’m literally too-” -too pathetic to _do_ anything? She couldn’t even wash her hair or do her morning exercises. But she didn’t finish the sentence, because he wouldn’t see it that way, if she did, she thought.

And she didn’t think _he_ was worthless because he had lost his magic. She couldn’t really explain it but… it was different, for him. He was smart and could draw really pretty, and saw all kinds of things she didn’t notice and was so much braver than he knew. It didn’t matter if he _ever_ found some battle thing he was good at, or failed at what he was bad at for long enough to get good. Someone as kind and good like him wasn’t _useless_.

Her gaze dropped to her lap, along with her hands.

“We’ll remind each other. Okay?” he asked, a gentle smile, as reached his hand out to her, like he had back on the riverbank after the Bantherlodge. That human handshake thing again. He had said it was customary to shake hands using your right hand, but he had reached out his left to her.

She put her bandaged hand in his, and he squeezed it very carefully, but unmistakably a squeeze in that human way that meant… a deal.

What a fucking soft touch, this one.

She smiled though, as she laid back down against the softness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the boring day that was actually kinda important, relationship development wise :D
> 
> I got the order mixed up a bit with Downtime in Wartime while writing this chapter, and it would be thorough rewrites required to fix a pretty small issue and I'm with family for Christmas and don't have the time for that, sooo... it's a bit off with the order of events.
> 
> Enjoy your holidays, if you have them! See you Dec 27th!
> 
> Up next: ([DiW 7: Innocence](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54872215#workskin), [DiW 8: Friends](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54957076#workskin)) After facing Team Morally-and-Sarcastically-Impaired, Rayla faces her liquid nemesis


	8. Underneath (S2E2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during S2E2, shortly after Soren and Claudia arrived at the Moon Nexus.
> 
> Immediately following [DiW 8: Friends](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/54957076#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's commented and kudos'ed on this story! I really appreciate all of you, and I hope you had happy past few days! Happy holiday, if you got holidays, and a merry Christmas if you celebrated that. 
> 
> Enjoy some grumpy, wet Rayla, after Soren throws her in the mud :D  
> Let the Moon Nexus High School drama commence!

1.32AM, May 23rd, 998AB, The Moon Nexus, Central Katolis

Callum had his back turned and she really _did_ trust him to not peek and it wasn’t like she had never been to the bath house during open-for-everyone hours, so there was _no_ reason at all for her cheeks to feel warm when she pulled off her wet clothes, leaving them in the water to soak, held down by rocks.

Rayla splashed cold Moon Nexus lake water in her stupid heating face and scrubbed vigorously at the remaining mud with her right hand, and slightly more carefully with her newly-achy-again left.

Amazing, really. She actually got to have an almost twelve-hour-break from being miserable and achy, her longest consecutive streak since the Bantherlodge, and then bam! Big strong, deceptively fast and flexible lump of an opponent.

She had not seen that kick coming but she definitely felt it, then and now. She carefully ran her fingers along her sore ribs and collarbones. Just sore though. Might bruise a bit but eh… no broken bones, no problem.

Her wrist ached too, it had been getting better but the impact from the blows she had parried had not felt great. Then and now.

She really _was_ grateful that Callum was cleaning her armor and boots, that repetitive scrubbing action would have been unpleasant.

He was still working diligently, definitely not caring that she was naked.

He was very good at it, too, he must have had quite a _lot_ of practice cleaning Soren’s boots and armor.

Soren was an ass. _Squire duties,_ pfft.

What a load of speckled moonoose shit, the smelliest poop known to elf.

Callum was a prince, so that was clearly just meant to push him down. She was really… irrationally angry at the thought of that big ass with ears doing that to him, even though she was not that thrilled with Callum himself either at this particular moment.

_…Good elf._

He hadn’t… meant it like _that_ though, she knew Callum was inexplicably fond of the taste of his own feet.

Maybe the fifth toe was-

Never mind.

Callum had given her the sense, before, that he let people push him around. He was so open with his feelings and insecurities, it was cowardly to go for such an obvious target, and she knew exactly the type of ass-with-ears-face that did that kinda thing.

And the sarcasm-deficient lump of a bully was _still_ infinitely preferable to his sister.

As much stock as she put in sarcasm, there _were_ more important things, and _Claudia_ had been the one to see them leave together in what was clearly not a kidnapping _and_ the one to argue that she should be killed in her sleep like she was just some beast to be put down.

Or rather… cut into spell components, probably. That was unnerving to think about.

Callum trusted her though. Liked her, and a _lot,_ too.

“…it’s great, really!” Callum had been saying something. Some _wrong_ thing. It was definitely _not_ great, because it certainly had to do with Soren and Claudia.

“Sorry?” Rayla asked, as she stepped out and away from her liquid nemesis with a great deal of relief, wiping as much water off her skin as she could and stomping to get warm.

The twisty motion when she tried to wring out her clothes was _murder_ on her wrist so she skipped that. They would dry. Eventually. And Callum was talking about the dark mage girl and how _nice_ she was when she wasn’t goading her reluctant brother into killing people in their sleep and that was even less pleasant.

Lujanne’s spare clothes were foreign-feeling and too big, but at least they were dry, which was a big step up from hers.

“You can turn around,” she said, as she smoothed Lujanne’s purple tunic down.

“You ready to go back?” he asked, picking up her wet clothes, starting to wring them out unprompted and unknowing why _she_ hadn’t done that.

“Yeah. I’m done here,” she grumbled, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet and rolling her shoulders, trying to dispel some of the chill from that dumb lake. “And in general. _So_ done.”

“I wish this hadn’t happened,” he said, sounding troubled now, then stopped his train of thought. “You’re cold,” he said, instead.

“It’s a mountain lake in Spring,” she said, through faintly clattering teeth, gesturing at the lake. What a thoroughly unhelpful thing to point out, because now she was just more _aware_ of how cold she was.

“And you had a fever _yesterday._ ” Ugh, he sounded _so_ much like Ethari, right now. “You could have… I don’t know… heated water?”

“ _Now_? Callum, I’m tired.”

“I can imagine,” he said, kinda… chastising. “You were patrolling. All night. And fought one of the best warriors in Katolis. And got in that cold lake. And I did mention the fever _yesterday?”_

“Yeah, I heard you the first two times,” she muttered, wrapping her arms around herself. Not _her_ fault his friends were assholes.

Besides, it was past midnight, so it wasn’t _yesterday-_

She forgot about the annoyance, because Callum shrugged off his smelly jacket, warm from his body, to hand it to her and that really was very nice of him and made her warm inside before she even put it on. It was too big, but even that was nice, letting her tuck her cold hands inside the sleeves.

His arms were skinny and undefined, but… nice too, really. And reaching for her, smoothing down his jacket, lingering at her upper arms, rubbing briskly up and down to dispel the goosebumps, which was nice, too.

More than… _nice,_ really, but she couldn’t think about the _more_.

She felt… so much warmer.

Rayla picked up her armor and Callum picked up her clothes, and they started to walk up the stairs back to their bedroom.

“What the white stuff even?” Callum asked, absentminded, ever-present curiosity, looking down at the pile of wet clothes in his arms, her breast bindings tangling with her socks on the top of the pile.

“Humans don’t wear underwear?” Rayla snickered.

“Yes! We do! Sorry for… asking. And sorry I didn’t… bring any. Any… underwear. Dry underwear. Lujanne’s… underwear. So you’re… _not…_ -right now.” He looked pointedly away from her clothes and from _her_ , color rising in his cheeks _._ Another weird, human modesty thing? They didn’t have public laundries, maybe?

“But I’m wearing regular clothes?” Rayla said, baffled. “You can’t even _see_ I’m not wearing underwear?”

Callum made a choked sound.

She looked down to verify the claim she had made, because it just occurred to her that she _was_ still cold, but… no. The cloth was too thick.

“Can’t you just pretend I am?” she scoffed. “Isn’t an artist supposed to have a good imagination? So, can’t you just imagine big poofy bloomers with a pattern of little Baits and move on with your life?”

Callum sputtered with laughter, and the tension and embarrassment went away, as had been her aim. Even if he was unfairly cute when blushing, she didn’t want him to be uncomfortable.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he grinned, relaxing. “You’re wearing imaginary Bait-undies. Pfft, it’s normal.”

“Do _you_ know about Xadian underwear styles?” she shot back, smirking. “Maybe it is. Maybe glowtoad-patterns are all the rage? Maybe we have big jammie parties with everyone wearing them? Maybe I’m the secret heir to a Xadia-spanning clothes design brand that build their business on an all-glowtoads-all-the-time aesthetic? _You_ don’t know.”

“Ezran would love glowtoad pajamas. He would wear those to court, if Opeli would let him. Which she would not.”

That was news. And weird. They had so many clothes they didn’t need to pack any to go to their lodge, but didn’t actually get to choose what to wear? That was _weird._

“You don’t get to choose?” she asked, curious. “Your clothes, I mean?”

“Not really,” Callum sighed. “Not since I became a prince. Well, I can choose from the clothes I _have,_ but I didn’t choose those, I get measured every so often and then they just kind of… show up. I know there are tailor’s shops, but I’ve never been in one. We drove past a really big one in our carriage once, in Duren, but we didn’t have time to go in, even though I really wanted to, because there were so many colors-”

“You with the colors,” she said, smiling. It was nice, how much attention he paid to things she didn’t stop to consider at all.

“Yeah, that’s not a human thing, either,” he said, a bit bashful again. “Just a weird _me_ thing.” She liked his weird _him-_ thing. But she couldn’t say _that_ , because _he_ liked the girl who had tried to murder her in her sleep an hour ago.

“Fitting in is boring,” she said, instead. “I sure never did.”

“Really?” Callum looked genuinely surprised. “I kind of thought you were… _cool._ ” Wow. _That_ was hilarious.

“Oh, I am,” she grinned. “Other Moonshadow elves just have no taste, and want their assassins without the sass, can you believe it?”

“No!” he said, laughter filling his eyes and bubbling out with his words. “Because… you’re just left with an ass… when you take the sass out of assassin!”

Okay, that _was_ funny. And true. And his laughter was contagious, and she had been grumpy almost since she stopped being miserable and she was shaking with it now, the laughter forcing itself out all the way from down in her stomach.

“You… you said… _ass_ -” she snorted, just as it was abating, and that set them both off again.

She stopped laughing though, when they got to the top of the stairs, and Claudia was waiting for them, perched prettily on one of the stone tables.

“Hi guys!” She waved cheerfully at them _both_ , for some reason. “You looked like you were having fun?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Callum nervously rubbed the back of his neck. He was _tense_ again, even worse than he had been about the underwear. “We’re friends, like I said. It really _was_ just a misunderstanding.”

“I know.” Claudia smiled at him, which was clearly making him _more_ tense, not less. “I was just waiting to say goodnight. And apologize for Soren kicking you out, Callum. He was just being a grumpy baby Sor-Bear, because of the mud in his mouth. He got cleaned up though, and is snoring away. And so did you, Rayla?”

“Yep,” Rayla said tersely. She was very much _not_ in the mood for chit-chat with the morally-impaired half of Team Morally-and-Sarcastically-Impaired.

“Sorry about the mud and the magic,” Claudia said, conveniently leaving out the trying-to-kill-her-in-her-sleep that Callum hadn’t witnessed. “Are your hands okay?”

“Okay?” Callum turned to Claudia, upset on his face. “Did you hurt her?”

“I hope not! That’s why I’m asking!” Claudia laughed. “I used a metal heating spell on her weapons to disarm her. It’s a really cool spell, I could teach you, you only need-”

Rayla interrupted, because she did not ask to hear about what parts of magical creatures you needed to burn someone’s fingerprints off. “It’s fine. See? Mud is a heat insulator.” Rayla showed her palms to Claudia and Callum, hoping this would appease them so they could change the subject.

Callum took her hands to inspect them, like the weirdo he was, even though there weren’t even any blisters, just faintly reddened skin at a few of her fingertips and the healing burn from the sunforge blade. She didn’t even feel it, compared to all the other achy bits. Or compared to his warm hands against her skin, still chilled from the water.

“I left the ointment on the dresser,” Callum said. “If you need it.”

“I don’t,” Rayla said, pulling her hands away. She didn’t want to be here, not with _her._ “And I’m tired. You two can… catch up or whatever. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

She made it all the way inside, dumped her armor and was halfway through taking her boots off, when she realized she was still wearing Callum’s jacket. She left it on his pillow and got under the covers of the bed she shared with Ellis and Ava, before the second realization hit her that Callum was still holding her clothes, and humans apparently had weird ideas about underwear.

Whatever. She couldn’t stop someone so determined to be embarrassed.

Rayla stuck her cold feet underneath the warm wolf-body next to her, and tried to sleep.

It wasn’t happening. She could hear Callum and Claudia talking outside, not the words but… talking… and it was irrationally distracting.

Her chest ached where Soren had kicked her and… underneath.

Bonus art of Rayla in Callum’s jacket 😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It's a bit of a relief that Rayla is feeling better, because the snark and banter is fun to write, hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> The glowtoad jammies is a self-indulgent reference to a series of screenshot edits I did a while ago, where I put a bunch of tdp characters in Bait-patterned jammies. If you're curious, you can find them on [my tumblr](https://numptypylon.tumblr.com/) in the 'jammies for all' tag, there's a pinned navigation post that includes that tag.
> 
> Up next: Rayla is roped into girl talk with Claudia, Ellis and Ava


	9. Only Girls Allowed (S2E2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during late S2E2, before Callum goes on his date and shortly before he has the trust talk with Rayla that doesn't end well for them.
> 
> Immediately before [ DiW 9: Girl Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55027561#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's commented and kudos'ed and otherwise engaged with me about this story, I really appreciate all of you <3 I hope you all have had a good first 3 days of 2021!
> 
> Now, have some denial and jealousy and very tense girl talk :D

3.02PM, May 23rd, Moon Nexus, Central Katolis

“So, Rayla!” Claudia leant over the table, smiling brightly.

Claudia was like those pancakes she had made, if the pancakes had been a person. Sweet and fluffy and buttery, but… hiding something dark.

It was really annoying that she was so friendly on top that she couldn’t even justify disliking her as much as she did, so much more than her lump of a brother.

The lump had thought she was enough of a person to merit having second thoughts about murdering her in her sleep and Claudia had _not._ She felt… not right. Especially because she seemed to think… _everyone_ seemed to think, even Callum, that they should just move on and forget everything that happened.

“Yeah,” Rayla answered. Maybe if she was just really, really boring, Claudia would lose interest and this stupid, fake girl hangout thing would be over sooner?

“I love your hair!” Claudia said, seeming way too suspiciously excited. “I found your braid at the Bantherlodge, that’s how we tracked you here. It was so _cute!”_ That was _morbid._ Did Claudia even hear what she was _saying? I did voodoo on your hair that humans severed by force trying to kill you, but oh what cute hair it was?_

“Thanks.”

“Powerful Dark mages sometimes have white hair. I always thought it was so pretty-” _Draining the life force of magical creatures like you also drain the pigment from their hair, and that’s just darling to me?_

How could someone _this_ annoying be-

But maybe she wasn’t, was the thing. Maybe it was just her? Being biased right the fuck back at Claudia’s stupid prejudiced face.

Callum liked Claudia, and he was a good person. Surely there must be something to like about her? Surely not everything she said was as grating to other people as it was to _her_?

“All Moonshadow elves have white hair. It’s not- …special.” It was just hair. Was this what girl talk was supposed to be about? Talking about things that didn’t matter very much?

“It _is_ very pretty though!” Ellis said, _her_ compliment without reserve or agenda. “It’s shiny, way shinier than my granny’s white hair. And it glows in the moonlight, and my granny’s definitely doesn’t do _that!_ ”

“Thank you, Ellis. Your hair’s pretty too,” Rayla said, looking at Ellis’ thick, dark mane, shining warm shades of brown in the sun. “And Ava’s too,” she laughed, a bit of the tension lifting as Ava put her head on top of Ellis’, the thick, grey fur falling over the girl’s forehead like an uneven fringe.

“Feeling _suuuper_ left out!” Claudia laughed, tossing her stupidly-long hair, purple at the ends, over her shoulder, pointedly. “I always thought my hair was one of my best features.”

“I believe it,” Rayla said dryly. Rude, but whatever. She had basically been roped into this stupid thing, Claudia had enlisted Ellis first and cornered her in front of Callum and Ezran. She _didn’t_ want to get to know a girl who saw her as a big bag of potential spell components, thank you very much!

“Thank you! You’re so sweet!” Claudia smiled. Yeah, sooo… subtle insults were not very useful, clearly. She didn’t know if she had genuinely not gotten it, she didn’t think she had been _that_ subtle.

“You’re welcome.” _Fuck the fuck off with the illusions._

“Sooo, how about you and Callum?” Claudia asked, still all pretty illusion smiles. What?! “He doesn’t really make new friends much, but you…?”

“Yeah. We’re friends. No kidnapping. Like you saw. And I said. Right before you tried to kill me.”

“Ah, that was _yesterday!”_ It was today, actually, seeing as it had happened after midnight, only a bit more than 12 hours ago. “We all make mistakes! How you move _on_ from those mistakes, defines who you are, right?” And she had moved on by pretending it hadn’t happened at all, like she hadn’t been encouraging her brother to kill her while she had been defenseless. It was like it hadn’t penetrated that it _had_ been a mistake. It wasn’t like it was a _accident,_ like whoops, didn’t see you there, sorry I nearly had my brother impale you _-_

“Inspiring.”

“So you agree to put that misunderstanding behind us? Great! That’s why I wanted to talk to you girls!” “I rarely get to have girl time, and we’re four of us now! Oh! We should talk about boys!” _Why?!_ That was _worse_ than hair. “Or, you know if you like girls or other genders, that’s cool!”

Ellis looked thoughtful. “I like Ava! But not like… I wanna marry her. I do want to stay with her forever, so that’s basically the same thing, right? I haven’t met anyone else I like as much.”

“That’s cool!” Claudia said. “You have lots of time to decide, right? How about you, Rayla? You’re my age, right? I’m almost 17, should have probably said that.”

“I’m a year younger then. And no. No-one I’ve wanted to marry.”

“Anyone you’ve wanted to, you know… do other stuff with…” Claudia glanced sideways at Ellis, giggling. The usually unflappably cheerful girl looked a bit annoyed, and Rayla couldn’t blame her. Ellis was 11 years old and helped out the village veterinarian, Rayla was pretty sure she knew about the ‘stuff’ Claudia was referring to.

“If you’re asking if I’ve met people I’ve found attractive, then yes," Rayla scoffed. She wasn't about to actually lie about something this dumb, she had lied plenty about actual important things. "I trained every day. With other kids who also trained every day. Fucking physical specimens. Of course we look at each others' butts, elven teenagers aren’t that different. I haven’t met anyone where I was interested in the rest of the person.” Or who was interested in her. The one person who _had_ been interested, had used her parents’ betrayal to justify punishing her for rejecting him. She hadn’t… seen that, but Runaan and Ethari had been very definite that that was what it had been about, when him and his friends had taunted and hit her.

“So, you have one of those physical specimens waiting for you at home?”

“No.” She was an assassin. Even if she _had_ been interested, that would have been cruel, she thought. She was already dead. She had seen, throughout her childhood, Ethari’s pain and worry when Runaan was away.

“Yeah, me neither.” Claudia said. “Was always too busy for that. But at least I have Callum!” She _had_ him? What kinda way was that, to talk about someone who liked her a lot, and was a really good person? Who deserved better than to be _had_ by someone who did not return the favor. Callum didn’t _have_ Claudia.

But he wanted to.

And maybe he would. After tonight. That was… really, irrational levels of unpleasant to think about.

And she couldn’t say any of the things she really thought… couldn’t drag Ellis into _her_ shitty feelings, or sabotage things for her friend, who deserved to be happy and to be with the person he liked.

So she kept being boring for another twenty minutes, until Claudia left, still unflappably cheerful, basically skipping. She supposed Claudia had… a date to get ready for.

Rayla sank forwards. How was she so _tired_ after a half-hour conversation?

Illusions were draining, to her. She really was terrible at being Moonshadow. She wanted… honesty. The full truth. And she hadn’t trusted a single thing that had come out of Claudia’s mouth. How were you supposed to get to know someone or have a chance of growing to like them better, if you didn’t _trust_ them? If you didn’t trust that the nice things they said were nice _underneath_?

No… that wasn’t quite right. Claudia probably _was_ nice underneath too, to people she considered people. Callum wouldn’t like her so much if she weren’t.

Rayla did trust _Callum._ And if he would trust _her,_ she could-

He _shouldn’t_ trust her, was the thing. She had lied to him since she met him and still was.

But she was right about Soren and Claudia, and if he wouldn’t listen to that, he could sleep in his fucking tent made of hyper-flammable red flags, for all she cared-

“Ehrm…?”

Rayla snapped around to look at Callum, sitting down next to her. He was fidgeting, very probably having spent the past half-hour driving himself crazy imagining what they had been talking about.

“So, what’s girl talk about?” Callum asked, smiling a bit shakily, failing hard at the ‘casual air’ she could tell he was aiming for but succeeding spectacularly at making her heart flutter.

She _did_ care, was the problem.

Way too much.

About more than his butt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Last of the high school Moon Nexus drama, new arc starting next chapter.
> 
> I'm working on next chapter of Down to Earth, and will post it hopefully this Tuesday but maybe not till next, because this chapter stumped me so much, writing Claudia always does :D  
> You can read little illustrated drabbles set in my middle school au verse on [my tumblr](https://numptypylon.tumblr.com/), I posted the first of a series there, yesterday, since they're too short to be Ao3 chapters.
> 
> Up next: ([ DiW 9: Girl Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55027561#workskin), [ DiW 10: Separate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55092637#workskin)) After Callum finds out about his dad, Rayla finds him alone in the forest


	10. Lonely Behind the Shroud (S2E3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during S2E3, the evening before they leave the Moon Nexus (evening of the day after Callum finds out about Harrow).
> 
> Simultaneous with [ DiW 10: Separate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55092637#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, to everyone who's read, commented and kudos'ed! I appreciate all of you! 
> 
> Sorry for the delay! There shouldn't be further delays in this story, it's pretty close to fully written, just very messy. Got my schedule a bit mixed up, I think.
> 
> This chapter was stumping me, and editing just made it grow more than improve :D But I wanted to get it out, anyway. Callum's grief is pretty acute in this chapter and the next, but after that, this story will lighten up a little bit.

  
  


9.09PM, May 24th, Moon Nexus, Katolis

When Rayla arched her body, rising up with the swell of the music, she saw him over Ellis’ shoulder, behind the panting, dance-exhausted pile of Ezran, Zym and Bait.

He was half-hidden in the trees, watching the dancing pavilion from the cover of darkness.

 _She_ could still see him though. She wondered if Callum remembered that, that darkness wasn’t really dark to her, as it was to the humans.

Rayla placed her wrist against Ellis’, positioning her body and giving Ellis time to get it right too, before she moved in a sweeping half-circle to signify the crescent moon.

She found Callum’s face again, when she came back around.

He looked wistful, but… sad. Tired. Streaks of dried tears on his cheeks. Swollen eyes. Mussed hair.

Ezran would know something was seriously wrong, if he caught even a glimpse.

But Callum had come here, regardless. He had asked to be alone, and she had taken the rest of the crew here so he could grieve for a bit without pretense, but… he had come here too. She supposed the tones of the harp had carried, it had been a pretty bombastic piece before the current one, Ezran and Zym had really given it their all, and were worn out from it, leaving just her and Ellis on the dancefloor.

Rayla twirled, slowly, so Ellis could see, and the girl copied her movements, right on cue with the rhythm.

The lights and music of the forest pavilion was… was it just mocking him? He wasn’t leaving. Just watching from the trees, a lonely figure behind a misty shroud. She couldn’t give him what he needed. Couldn’t even go to him and hug him like she wanted to. It felt so wrong to leave him alone in the darkness that she knew was so much darker to him than it was to her.

But she couldn’t give him comfort or lightness or anything, only continued loneliness.

And distraction maybe, she thought, as she lifted Ellis in a pirouette, finding Callum’s face with every turn.

“Good job!” she grinned at Ellis, as they finished. “You’d make a good Moon sage.” She _would,_ Rayla thought. Ellis had the right kinda head for illusions, except that the skull and ears wouldn’t pass Moon sage inspection.

Those things shouldn’t matter as much as they did.

The silhouette of Callum’s smooth skull was obvious, in the trees. His face was slightly obscured by mist that had rolled in, like he was behind a shroud in some different world, separate from them.

She wanted to go there, but she couldn’t.

The melody ended, and so did the dance. It would be the last one. Big day tomorrow. Old friends to lure into a trap and all.

Ellis was heading towards Ezran and Zym but… Callum wouldn’t be able to see their faces anymore, if they sat over there. And he had come here… she couldn’t-

“I’ll show you how to turn the music down,” Rayla said, gesturing at Zym in explanation, asleep up against a grumpier-than-normal-looking Bait. You didn’t need to actually _have_ a Moon arcanum to operate the harp, just… _someone_ needed to. As long as she was touching it too, it worked, when Ezran ran his fingers along the nocked ridge that controlled the volume.

It had just been an excuse, anyway. Zym wouldn’t have woken up, she was pretty sure.

She guided Ellis and Ezran to sit not where Ezran had before, but the other side of the pavilion, facing Callum.

She found his face between the branches, relieved, she thought. He didn’t want to be alone, or he wouldn’t have come here.

She looked right at Callum’s eyes, holding his gaze, letting him know for sure she could see him if he hadn’t caught onto that yet, he _was_ tragically dense, after all. “It’s nicer over here,” she said.

She smiled.

He smiled back.

* * *

“Bedtime!” Rayla announced, after not very long. “Come on. We’ll take a different route back, I have one last thing to show you, while the moon’s out.” The kids would like the light up runes up along the staircase to the temple, she thought. So would Callum but… he needed space to get back unseen more than he needed his magic curiosity sated-

She didn’t know if he would care at all about those runes, right now.

She turned off the harp, but left the lights in the pavilion, because Callum was still there and… it didn’t feel right, leaving him alone in darkness that was fully dark to him as it wasn’t to her.

* * *

Callum wasn’t there though, when they got back to their bedroom, and didn’t arrive either, as Ezran and Elliz and Ava and Zym and Bait all got settled for the night.

“Where’s Callum?” Ezran asked, as he laid down next to the blanket nest he had made for Zym. More… curious than worried though. Good.

“He went to the library, for a last look,” Rayla said. It would definitely convince Ezran. If Callum hadn’t had other things on his mind, she thought that _would_ be what he would do. “It’s late though. I’ll go check he hasn’t fallen asleep on the floor up there.”

Ezran nodded sleepily. “Goodnight.”

More lies but… at least she knew she was right to lie, now.

Now _Callum_ felt bad about it instead of her.

She didn’t go to the library, but back to the stone pavilion in the forest.

Callum was there, like she knew he would be.

He didn’t protest when she sat down next to him, but didn’t speak either. He skootched closer though, so… he wanted her here.

She broke the quiet, after a while, because he had to know… whatever he needed, she would do what she could. She would be terrible at this, but… she would _try,_ and he wasn’t _alone_ with it, and he clearly _didn’t_ want to be alone.

“I’ll help you, if you want,” Rayla said. “To tell Ezran, I mean. Whenever you’re… ready.”

“Not yet,” he said quietly. It was basically a plea. Full of _guilt_ too. And that should have been hers alone to bear, but now he carried it too. “I _can’t-”_

“No,” she said gently. “Not yet. It’s okay. You’re doing your best.”

“So are you.” She looked away from him, because _her_ best wasn’t good enough- “You _are!_ You have any idea what you’ve done for me, the past day? I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here.”

“Languished in critical sarcasm-deficiency?”

“That too.” He smiled a bit, despite the dried tears still on his cheeks.

They sat for a while in silence. He wasn’t really up for talking, that was obvious. But would he want the music? Or would that just remind him of more things he was upset about, like the magic he didn’t have? Would he want to experiment with the harp, using her arcanum? Would that just remind him harder?

She supposed she _could_ just ask and he would actually give an honest answer. Humans were weird like that. Or maybe just Callum and Ezran.

“Would you like some music to go with the quiet?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “That would be nice.”

“Would you like to choose it? If I touch it while you run your fingers along the ridges, you can choose the melody and volume.”

“Yes and no. Yesterday… would have been a big yes, but-”

“I’ll choose for you,” she said immediately.

“Choose… for _you_? _Your_ favorite? Not for me.”

She did. He might regret that, but he did say to choose _her_ favorite, and she liked music you could dance to. She picked a slow one though, not too distracting, but still danceable, with flowy ups and downs in the melody.

Callum listened, next to her, without speaking, then a tiny, amused smile spread on his face.

“You… dance. Your feet still want to.”

Oh… she supposed she tended to move a lot, and music like that tugged at her to… and that didn’t really go with the vibe at all.

“Sorry.”

“No! I like your feet! I mean- that your feet… want to dance.”

Rayla relaxed a bit, letting her feet bob and want to dance.

Callum relaxed too, sinking down against her until his head hit her shoulder.

Maybe if he actually fell asleep, she could carry him back without waking him? He really needed to sleep, he hadn’t at all last night, she thought. He had sat on the floor all night and not looked at her and curled into himself and been all alone.

But then the music stopped, and Callum’s head snapped up, stirred into fully awake.

Definitely a cue that it was bedtime though, for him, too.

Rayla nudged him pointedly, then got up to extinguish the magical lights lighting up the pavilion like clusters of tiny stars. She bounced down the steps to the forest floor on the other side of the pavilion, gesturing for Callum to follow her.

Then she was reminded that Callum couldn’t see in the dark when he tripped over the last step to fall forwards, thumping hard against the grassy ground of the clearing.

Shit.

She really was completely useless, she _knew_ he couldn’t see in the dark and how distracted he must be right now.

As if he needed more pain?

She knelt next to him, sprawled on the ground, reaching out to offer a hand to help him up.

“You okay?” Rayla asked, although she knew he wasn’t.

“Yeah… yeah. Just… got… the wind… knocked out of me,” Callum said, gasping as he sat up. “Literally too now, I guess,” he snorted, without mirth. Well he was joking about it so that was progress? Maybe? Or maybe it was just overshadowed by bigger upset.

She plucked a dead leaf out of his hair, as they stood, before slipping her hand into his. “Hold on to me, okay?”

His hand slipped up her forearm instead though, to hook around her left elbow instead. “I don’t want to yank on it, if I stumble again,” he said, in explanation. Why was he… why did her wrist even _register_ on his pain radar right now?

She could feel him against her side, as they walked back together through the silent forest.

“You got here alright though?” she wondered. “You could see, _then?_ ”

“Yeah, but I was used to the darkness, then. It was different… like pitch black after… sitting in the light, with you.”

* * *

Rayla had very good hearing. She could hear Zym’s snuffling sleep-noises. Ellis’ soft breaths next to her. Ava’s deep rumble, curling around the sleeping Ellis. Bait’s wheezy snore, in sync with Ezran’s breaths.

Callum was still awake. His breathing was too controlled.

She got up, making no sound as she crossed the room.

But his eyes opened to look at her anyway, and his hand gripped hers right away when she touched his.

“Hey,” she whispered. “What do you need?” She stroked across the back of the hand that was still holding hers. Anything that was in her power to do for him, she would, it _tore_ at her to see those fresh tears welling up now.

He didn’t answer, but pulled her hand close to his chest, still clasped in his.

It was still an answer though. He needed _her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! It was a bit rushed because I had unexpected company and mixed up some chapters in my head so this wasn't nearly as close to postable state as I had thought, haha!
> 
> Up next: ([DiW 11: Reality](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55170112#workskin) The trio has boarded the Ruthless, and Callum and Rayla talk about their fathers


	11. Chuck It Up (S2E4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during S2E4, after they board the Ruthless but before the Storm hits
> 
> The morning after [DiW 11: Reality](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55170112#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's commented and kudos'ed this story! I always really appreciate the feedback!
> 
> Now for some more dads-sads, but also tender feelings and Ez being Ez, so I hope it evens out and isn't too angsty.
> 
> Chapter warnings (highlight to read, or copy and paste if on iphone): non-graphic vomiting

10.12AM, May 26th, Onboard the Ruthless, Cat Gut Bay, Central Katolis

It was… okay, really.

Not so bad.

Just… surrounded by water. Moving water. Moving the boat. Moving her insides around.

But it was okay. She could-

Whoa. Nope. She could _not._

Rayla made it to the railing just in time.

Ugh.

She had better get used to it though. Suck it up, or… chuck it up, as it were.

For two _days_.

Her wretchedness was interrupted, when Ezran climbed slightly up the railing to look at her, one of the canteens from the Bantherlodge in his hand.

She took it, grateful, and drank. “Thanks.”

“No problem!” Ezran said. “You look really bad.”

“Thanks,” she repeated drily.

“Sorry. I believe in telling the truth,” Ezran said sagely. The full truth… so did she. But Ezran didn’t have it. And she _couldn’t_ tell him now, it was not her place anymore.

“It’s okay. I realize I look like a Banther’s dinner, post-digestion.” She wasn’t supposed to swear in front of Ezran, she had promised Callum.

Ezran patted her hand comfortingly. “Don’t worry! You’re still _very_ pretty, even all barfy.”

She snorted. Ezran was sweet. “I thought you believed in telling the truth?” she grinned.

Ezran looked confused. “You don’t _know_ that? That’s so weird. Soren and Callum really like your butt, you must have noticed _that._ ” Callum?! That was…

That was Ezran being kind. Or Callum possibly still being curious about the tail thing, she wouldn’t put it past him. Even if he _was_ looking at her butt for the sake of looking at her butt, that didn’t _mean_ anything-

“No…” she managed.

“Really? Well, I suppose it makes sense, your back _would_ be turned.”

“I don’t…”

“Yeah, I don’t get it either.” Ezran sighed, stepping behind her, tilting his head slightly as he evaluated the body part in question. “I mean. It’s a butt. Big whoop. Faces are way more interesting.”

Definitely. Ezran’s big blue eyes and freckled nose and smile that lit up his whole face was more interesting than any dumb butt.

Callum’s warm green eyes and pretty, floofy hair and pretty nose and pretty butt… Yeah, okay, that wasn’t part of his face, but so what? She looked at _his_ butt too, why shouldn’t he look at hers? Not like there were a whole lot of other butts to look at, most of the time. It was normal.

She looked out over the ocean, soft little waves like dumb butts, poking at the sky. She should definitely… stop thinking about butts.

Oof. Nausea returning. Butts had been a brief distraction. She breathed deeply, holding onto the wood, slumping forwards.

Okay.

Good.

No more barf.

Right now.

That was good.

Ezran had been patiently waiting, while she had been occupied with her own misery, but he started talking again now, thoughtful. “Rayla? Is Callum… upset about something? He’s all… in his head.”

“Yeah, I mean… he misses being able to do magic.”

It wasn’t… a _lie._

But it definitely wasn’t the full truth either.

And she was evidently not done barfing either, the remnants of her breakfast coming up instead of the full truth she couldn’t spew.

Ezran eventually left, on her insistence, to play with Zym in the big rolls of rope on the deck.

And Rayla, the nausea temporarily abating as her stomach had run out of contents to throw up, went to find Callum. Time to talk without Ezran present was hard to come by, and he had… some things to deal with.

He was hiding behind a pile of crates at the front of the ship, looking pensively up at the mast. His eyes were a bit red.

She sat down next to him, nudging him with her elbow. “Hey. Ezran is… occupied. If you want to-”

She was cut off because he hugged her so hard to him their heads bumped together rather harder than was comfortable. He drew back immediately, because of course he worried about hurting _her_ even when _he_ was already sniffling, barely holding it together.

“I’m fine.” She put her arms back around him. There were a few kinda… relieved sobs, against her neck. Then he calmed, just breathing hard.

“Sorry,” he muttered, not letting go of her. “It was just… a long day yesterday.” A long day of holding it together for his brother. And his oldest friends betraying him, and- Yeah. A long and bad day.

“I know.” Rayla stroked across the back of his neck. His hair was soft against her fingers.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, the complete idiot. “On the boat, I mean.”

“Eh, okay. I’m done spewing, for now. How are _you_ feeling?” That would have been a stupid question, but Callum was not Moonshadow, and might actually answer it honestly.

“Not… really great,” he sniffed. “I’m still trying to kind of… _understand_ how I’m feeling. I loved him and… thought of him as my dad. But I don’t know how _he_ thought of me.”

She… felt that. Runaan and Ethari were her guardians, but… but they also _weren’t_ just that _._ At least, not to _her._ But there were two sides to things like that, and why wouldn’t Runaan and Ethari have adopted her after her parents betrayal, if they thought of her like-

But she knew they cared about her, or at least, in Runaan’s case… _had-_

No. She was _not_ thinking about it. She would get home, and talk to them, and Ethari would help her sort it out and they would understand, when she explained it.

“I get it,” she said simply, not looking at Callum because she was meant to be here for _him,_ and she couldn’t sit here and talk to him about Runaan when Runaan had killed his… dad. Callum thought of King Harrow as his dad and… she was sure the king had loved him too, how could he not?

“You do,” Callum said, a bit incredulous but not doubting her. “You actually do. I don’t think… I’ve ever met anyone who did.”

“So we both know it sucks… not knowing. It messes with your head.” She sat for a while, looking out at that horrible butt-water.

Her left wrist twinged in a really distracting way. Runaan had… done that. She still had nightmares about it, waking up sure that the binding was still there or her hand _wasn’t_ there. It had hurt a _lot_ towards the end, and she had thought she could take it, but… it was like her body remembered the pain. And her head remembered Runaan tying it.

She had pleaded with him to bring her. She had _asked_ to be bound. She had _chosen_ the pain.

It didn’t make sense that she felt so… weird about it. About Runaan. More stupid _doubt._

Callum had said that Runaan… that… Claudia had told him the humans got all the elves that attacked that night.

Claudia lied. She would have lied to make Callum like her, she already had. And Callum didn’t know Runaan, didn’t know it was ridiculous, what he had said. Runaan always made it out. He was on his way back to Ethari, alive to feel… weird about.

It was dumb weirdness, anyway. She was not a child, not… _his_ child. It hadn’t been on Runaan to protect her from pain and hardship.

She rubbed the stupid achy wrist, the not-even-really-that-achy wrist. Why was it so _distracting?_

“Does it still hurt?” Callum asked, concerned, his hand laying on top of hers,

Stupid. It didn’t even, _really._ It was just her dumb head, remembering how much it had and remembering Runaan. She really couldn’t even be not-pathetic for five minutes, when her friend had just lost his dad.

“It does,” he concluded unhappily, from her non-answer. “Can I have a look?” His fingers hovered over the clasp of her bracer. Definitely not. The bruising hadn’t faded all the way and she didn’t want him to worry about it, when it wasn’t even real.

“It’s… fine,” she said. He had never been quick to believe that from her though, and she thought she should explain that it was nothing but her stupid head messing with her, so he wouldn’t worry. “Just remembering. That it did. Thinking about-”

…about no-one she could talk about right now. Or think about. Because it was pointless when it was _nothing-_

“You were thinking about the assassin leader? Who… killed him. And bound you. You said, yesterday, that he raised you. And you said now, that you understood.” He was not accusing, even though he should be, would be well in his right to hate Runaan and her by association.

“Yes,” she said, looking away, not elaborating because… he wouldn’t want to hear about it.

“Rayla?” Concern again. His hand curled around hers, engulfing the stupid achy wrist with warm softness that would get inside her if she let it.

“Callum, you don’t want me to talk about him. You’re right. He raised me.” She set her jaw, because whatever else, _this_ was still true without question. “I love him. And it would hurt you to hear, and I don’t want to do that, so _please_ stop asking-”

“I’m sorry,” he said, chewing on his words, thinking. “You’re right. I’m sorry you are but… you are. I don’t want to… I can’t hear about him. Not right now. I _hate_ him, and you… for you it’s complicated. But Rayla? I _will._ I’ll get there. You deserve to be able to talk about him. I promise. I’ll listen. I don’t want you to hold back or feel bad about loving him. I just c-can’t right now-”

She pulled his shaking body closer. “It’s okay if you don’t get there,” she said quietly, into his hair. “It’s okay if you stay angry.”

“I’m not angry at _you._ Okay? He hurt you too,” Callum said, anger under the surface, pointedly squeezing her left hand. “He hurt us both. And Ezran, except-” Except he just didn’t know it yet. Callum was choking on those words, he _really_ wasn’t ready to talk about it.

But _he_ could still talk about _his_ dad.

“Callum? Would you tell me? About your step-dad? He had a whole life, before he died.”

“Yeah… yeah.” He smiled slightly. “He did. He told really stupid jokes. A bit like yours but… less funny and more punny?”

Rayla smiled, despite herself, because that sounded a whole lot like Ethari’s jokes. Seriously, that man was too easy to please, humor-wise. “Like…‘I was just trying to go a-boat my business, but I subjected to pier pressure and now here I am?’”

Callum snorted. “Yeah, sorry about the… pier pressure-”

“Ah, don’t worry about it, ship happens-”

“Stoooop,” Callum grinned. “It’s _too_ accurate!”

“Sea what I mean?”

Callum sputtered with helpless laughter, a few tears coming out with it, but then it fell away to a soft smile.

“Yeah, like that. And he’d read stories to Ezran every night, even when he was really busy and had to go back to work afterwards. And I’d… listen too. The last few years, I told him I didn’t want bedtime stories, and pretended I wasn’t listening. But I always did, even when it was a dumb story about banthercubs.” He was sniffling again, hiding his face in her shoulder. “I p-pushed him away,” he sobbed. “I loved him… and I didn’t tell him and I called him King Harrow… and I… I pushed him _away_ -”

She leant her head on top of his.

It was not enough. He needed to know and he _could_ know, unlike her. He _had_ his… closure? Maybe not quite. But there were answers in that scroll he hadn’t opened yet, and _she,_ at least, was sure they were what he longed for.

They didn’t speak for a while, and it wouldn’t last, hiding out here, Ezran would find them at some point and the sky was getting dark in the distance and… she had a feeling the storm was coming.

Callum understood that too, because he straightened up, and splashed water in his face from the canteen she handed him.

“We should… rejoin the others,” he said, and even smiled a bit.

There was one last thing though, before they did that.

“Callum? You should read his letter.” If there had ever been any doubt that he should… there wasn’t, to her. She didn’t want Callum to feel like she did, doubting who he was to the person who was a dad to _him._ “When you’re ready. I’ll distract Ezran for as long as you need.”

“Not now!” he exclaimed, almost panicked. “I can’t-”

“Not now,” she agreed. “But don’t… don’t stay in it too long… the not-knowing.”

He nodded, understanding.

Bonus art of Callum and Rayla, in the quiet before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I really like the bonus art for this one, and that's rare, haha!
> 
> Up next: Rayla and Ezran worry, while Callum and Zym are off to electrocute themselves


	12. Buttercup (S2E4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during S2E4, while Rayla and Ezran wait for Callum and Zym
> 
> A few hours before [ DiW 12: Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55244395#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone following this story and engaging with me! It really warms my heart that people wanna take the same route with me again :)
> 
> Now for some post-lightning strike digestion of feelings ;)

  


4.32PM, May 26th, Scraggy Rock Isle, Cat Gut Bay, Central Katolis

“If you die out there, I swear I’ll kill you,” Rayla shouted, at Callums retreating back. He turned back around half-way and there was a tiny little smirk on his face and…

Ba-dump.

 _Again_.

It was… yeah.

You didn’t fantasize about smooshing your _friend’s_ dumb idea face, she was pretty sure.

And he was gone now, lost in the heavy rains out there, but it was like his presence was still here, making her heart pound against her ribcage and her cheeks sizzle against the drops of cold rain.

Completely pointless, and worse than that, because-

Because Ezran _had_ been next to her, but he was gone now too, and now the dread was rising-

“Ezran!” she shouted, over the din of the rain, panic bubbling up in her chest to push away that useless fizzy flutter Callum had left.

He wasn’t on the deck and she didn’t think he would go below deck without telling her and leave her up here alone in the rain, that was not at all what he was like-

He hadn’t… gone after Callum? In the storm?

But he hadn’t, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she saw him, coming back towards the ship now, across the mooring bridge, completely soaked but smiling, his arms full of little yellow flowers.

“Come inside you lunatic,” Rayla chided, mostly just relieved, ushering Ezran below deck.

Villads had lit the fire, and they would soon be _warm_ and wet instead of cold and wet. Regardless, she helped pull off Ezran’s sodden clothes, wrapping him in a blanket from the bed.

She pulled her own clothes off too, caring little for the other two people present. Ezran was certainly not old enough to potentially find her body any kind of interesting, and Villads was blind. Callum-

Nope. Not going there. _Definitely_ not going to the place she was apparently already at, whether Callum _would_ find her body… interesting.

Such a wholly unnecessary tangent, really.

Her cheeks burned, despite the chill of the rain still clinging to her.

Villads approached, as if on cue offering her a distraction as well as a scratchy woolen sweater. It was warm and dry though, and she got used to the scratchiness pretty quickly.

“Oh! The buttercups!” Ezran said, jumping up from where he had been warming himself in front of the fire to retrieve them.

“What possessed you to go pick flowers in a thunderstorm?” Rayla asked, shaking her head.

“Buttercups! And they were going to get all trampled by the rain anyway, so I picked them. Remember back after we left the castle? Callum said buttercups would look nice on you. With your purp-” Ezran cut off, glancing at Villads. “- _perfectly_ ordinary human eye color!”

Villads didn’t seem to catch on, seeming to be busy pulling his boots and hat off, probably getting ready for a nap, now the ship was moored.

Ezran twisted the stems of the little yellow flowers into her damp hair, occasionally asking Bait’s opinion on placement. It was nice. She hadn’t had anyone touching her hair since Ethari had braided it the morning they had left.

It was good, having a distraction from the worry. Ezran needed one, definitely.

And she needed a distraction both from the worry and from her definitely not-just-friendship-feelings for Callum. Because they were definitely… there. Had been, for a while. They were just kinda getting… harder to ignore. When that lightning had struck, lighting up his dumb idea face in harsh black and white… there was just _no_ denying the more-than-friendshipness of _that_ feeling.

It was _worse_ than that, even, because _…_ she was pretty sure it was more than crush feeling, too. Ethari had described what being in love felt like once, when she was 11, and she had rolled her eyes and pretended she wasn’t interested. But she had paid attention.

And this was it.

It wasn’t even… _new._

She had known back on the _last_ boat, that Callum was a very cute human, really, unfairly so, when she was trying to be grumpy and he was being all… impossibly cute. And his cute hair and butt. And his big hands with the pinkos that were always so gentle when he touched her. And-

So many things.

But it was like that lightning strike had made her so much more _aware_ of it, throwing his ridiculously kissable dumb idea face into stark relief against the stormy skies.

And now he was off doing something really dumb, and she was just supposed to wait, and not freak out and upset Ezran.

She could do this, though. Just… pretend like he didn’t make her heart go ba-dumb when he touched her or smiled at her or looked at her.

Simple.

Wasn’t like those were things likely to happen every five minutes for the next several weeks or anything.

“There!” Ezran announced. “Done! It _does_ suit you! Callum is really good with colors.” And he had thought about which color of flowers would suit _her-_

Yeah, because he thought about everything, looked at everything, paid attention to _everything_ -

She wasn’t _special,_ was the point. And she needed to get a grip. Callum was grieving. He needed a friend. And him and Ezran both needed her to not be some love-struck idiot pining for a boy who was not interested.

Ezran needed her _now._ Because now that he was out of buttercups to keep his hands busy, he was twisting his fingers together, nervously.

“Hey! Callum will be okay!” Rayla said. “He’s a dummy, but Zym is with him.”

Ezran didn’t look convinced. “I don’t know. It’s a big job, stopping Callum’s dumb ideas. And Zym is… he’s just a baby-”

“I know. And Callum is a big brother. So he’ll be one, and keep being one, and be okay, for you _and_ for Zym.” She pulled Ezran into her lap, and he immediately put his arms around her, putting his head on her shoulder.

“You’ll go find them… right?” Ezran said quietly. “If they don’t come back?”

“Yes,” Rayla said firmly.

Ezran nodded, relaxing against her.

Then he went completely slack, just… all at once. He just fell asleep? That quickly?

Rayla had to tighten her arms around him, to prevent him slipping to the floor.

Bedtime, she supposed. At least for a few hours, while their clothes dried.

Then… she would go look for Callum and Zym, if they weren’t back. That had been very definite even before Ezran had asked.

She got up, lifting Ezran with her and walked to the bed to put him down.

He was kinda… hugging her though. His little hands were twisted in the sweater. And he made a little whiny sleep-noise into her shoulder when she tried to gently extricate herself. Should she twist out of his grip anyway? She had to get Bait, grumbling on the floor, or he would just keep moaning. She really didn’t want to wake Ezran though-

“You seem to be stuck, lass.” Villads commented, from the other bed where he was sitting.

“Just a bit,” Rayla said, softly, as to not wake her clingy little adoraburr.

“But a good kinda stuck, aye?” Villads smiled in the firelight. “Sometimes, the world… and the people in it… tell you things. Like where you belong. What you mean. Who you are. _People_ tell you who you are to _them,_ if you listen. That’s a good thing to have, if you aint so sure yerself.”

Rayla swallowed the lump in her throat. How could he… how could he just… _know_ that? Know what he said would mean… to _her._

She didn’t answer, because she was afraid she would say way too much if she did, just with how her voice would sound.

But Villads was a good listener, even to silence, and came over, bending down to lift Bait into the bed with them.

Rayla laid down, pulling Ezran close. She might not know who she was, but she knew where she was supposed to be right now.

Bait settled his warm little Sun primal body at Ezran’s feet.

Villads pulled the blanket up to cover all of them.

It took Rayla way too long to realize that his hands had been _very_ close to her horns, _very_ close to knowing more than he bargained for about who she was-

No. Not _who._

An _elf_ … a Moonshadow… an assassin… or a failed assassin, anyway… that was _what_ she was. _Who_ she was… was different.

And… she wasn’t sure about the who. Not at all.

There was a floppy buttercup right in front of her face that had probably fallen out of her hair, bright yellow contrasted against Ezran’s dark curls.

She hadn’t intended to sleep, but… everything was so slow… heavy… but… light…

Wait.

Villads was _blind_.

When he had said… _listen…_ he meant…

You could listen to a buttercup, the way Villads had meant it.

She relaxed against the pillow and listened.

The buttercup blurred into a strangely comforting yellow blob and Ezran’s slow and trusting breaths against her chest into some feeling that wasn’t fluttery at all but… steady and warm.

  
Bonus edit of Rayla and Ez and the buttercups, because I wrote part of this chapter waaaay back when I was putting all the tdp characters in flower crowns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you want that moment AFTER the sweet hug when Callum returns, that's the Callum chapter linked below. It's a bit important in Callum's development, too ;)
> 
> Up next: ([ DiW 12: Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55244395#workskin)) The trio stay in a sheep shelter, too close to humans for Callum’s liking


	13. Peas of my Heart (S2E6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post-S2E6, after they leave Villads’ ship, but before they arrive at the cave they stay in in S2E7-S2E9. Possible extra night added, to give Claudia and Soren time to catch up.
> 
> Shortly before [ DiW 13: Hand ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55310188#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading and commenting and kudos'ing and otherwise engaging with this story, I really appreciate all of you <3
> 
> Now for some chill times in the ~~sheep shelter~~ woolly human pet house

  
  


7.20PM, May 27th, Pattok Village Outskirts, Eastern Katolis

Rayla smiled brightly, relishing the feeling of food in her stomach.

It was magical, this, no nausea at all anymore, for the first time in _days_ she actually felt like a person and not a pile of barf flavored wet garbage. Even with the rain enhancing the smell of the woolly human pets and their weird little poops, this was just so amazing.

They were staying in the house of the woollies, after all, and they got to smell up their own house, that was only fair.

She felt a bit bad, since she wouldn’t have minded _sharing_ their living quarter, they looked like very cuddly and huggable pets, especially the little ones, but they had scampered and not returned.

She didn’t feel bad enough to stop smiling though, contentedly leaning back against the pile of hay.

Callum was staring at her. Weird. Maybe she had food on her face or something.

“Do I have food on my face?” she asked.

“Uh, no?” He looked confused. “Do you _want_ to?”

“I think we’re out,” she said, slightly regretfully. She had been _hungry_ after two days of keeping almost nothing down. But they couldn’t light a fire here, and they’d eaten all the food they bought at the seaside village, except the lentils, which were no good raw.

“You can have the rest of my peas,” Callum offered. “I don’t like peas much, anyway.”

Yeah, that was a sweet lie, but an entirely unconvincing one. Besides, who didn’t like peas? They were all cute and came in their own little packets. And they were the tastiest of the strange human food, by far.

“The full truth, Callum,” she smirked. Not quite. Ezran didn’t have it. But in regards to peas, definitely.

“Okay. I like peas fine. But you like them more, I could tell.” A soft smile was spreading on his face. She returned it, before she could help herself.

Really? So what if he had been watching her eat and apparently noticing her favorite food. It had probably been hard to ignore her, because she had been stuffing her face like a starving barbarian.

Watching her stuff her face like a starving barbarian did _not_ mean undying love, she was pretty sure even humans weren’t that weird.

“And you need them more,” he continued, a bit of stubbornness in his face now. “You do all the scouting and fighting and stuff. And you’ve been puking for two days, you need to eat more than I do.” So yeah, he _had_ noticed the barbarian way of eating.

It was okay really, she wasn’t hungry… _exactly_.

But he was already pulling gently at her hands, forming them into a bowl so he could deposit his peas there. He held them for too long, looking down at their mismatched hands.

“I’m…” he started, searching for the words. He was _grieving._ He was looking for comfort, looking for a _friend,_ because he couldn’t even talk to his own brother about it, and she was reading into things just because she _wanted_ him to- He couldn’t even talk to _her_ about it, right now. Ezran was too close, talking to a lone woolly baby, a little way away under a tree. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He wasn’t allowed to just _say_ stuff like that! Back home, no one just _said_ things, and now she knew why, because there ought to be a rule against making her heart such a useless, fluttery thing in her chest.

“I’m…” he started, again. His hands shook like his voice had, and she cupped them in hers instead of the peas he had intended. He was glancing at the distant lights of the port town, a little way down the hillscape. He and Ezran could have been down there. And they not, they were up here, in some damp, smelly lean-to, because an inn was too risky, with her in tow. “I’m not… comfortable. Here.”

“Hey, there’s a farm.” She pointed at the cluster of buildings, just off the field. “I bet Human-Rayla would be a hit! We might be allowed to sleep in the barn? It’ll be warm-”

“No!” He looked horrified. “No. That’s _worse_! Way worse.” He breathed in, pulling one hand out of hers to run through his damp hair, making it stick up at the side. He was worried, and she didn’t fully get _why,_ but she _did_ get that she had to fix it. Make him smile again, like he had when he had offered her his peas.

His free hand left his hair to clutch at a handful of grass, instead. He _really_ wasn’t… comfortable.

“Pfft, we’ll be fine here,” Rayla said, gesturing at the field, empty except for the woollies, huddled together under the trees and in another lean-to a bit away. “We can take those fluff balls, if they try to reconquer their home-”

He didn’t look at all put at ease though, and his fingers twisted the tuft of grass so tight it tore loose from the soil. “We’re… _too close._ ” His voice was tightly coiled, like the grass around his fingers. “Just… I can’t _do_ anything. If those humans take you-”

“Hey, I’m just a simple human girl, if anyone asks,” Rayla said, clapping his shoulder in reassurance. “Just minding my business, sleeping out here because I just love smelling like the woolly human pets and their funny little poops, it’s musky doncha know, makes all the young humans go mad with- ”

“YOU’RE _NOT_ HUMAN!”

She backed up, taken aback at his outburst.

“Yeah, trust me I noticed,” she snapped, not quite sure why that had… _hurt_ like it had, to hear. Not like she _wanted_ to be human. She just…

She wanted Callum to see her as… more than ‘not human’. It was the first thing anyone saw, here. ‘Not human’ and then straight to the pitchforks.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to… not like _that_ … just... You’re _not._ It’s not… _bad_ that you’re not. Just… dangerous. And it’s really _obvious_ that you’re not. To me, at least. Your hair. Your skin. Eyes... You’re all… you look too…”

“Too weird,” she scoffed. Jerk. He could at least not point it out like _that-_

“No!” he burst out, sounding a bit miffed, actually. “Too…” He looked down, shaking his head. “Too _bright_.” That was… different to weird. “You don’t… _blend_ in. You’re so much brighter than anyone around you, no matter where you are.”

Her cheeks were heating now. At least he couldn’t see in the dark like she could.

It was silly, anyway. He didn’t mean that like her stupid fluttery heart had heard it, most humans didn’t have white hair or were as pale as she was. That was what he meant, he just said it weird because _he_ was weird.

She tugged self-consciously at a strand of too-bright white hair.

He was bright too, to her. Green eyes bright and observant. Bright mind thinking about everything. It was pretty crazy that other humans didn’t seem to see it. _Or_ elves. Lujanne was _so_ wrong that he had no spark inside.

“I’m-” she started, but cut off. What did you even say to that? _Thanks?_ A yawn, forcing itself out, saved her. “I’m tired,” she said. She hadn’t slept all that well on the boat, it wasn’t _wrong._ Just not the dominant feeling right now.

“Eat your peas first,” he said, mock-sternly, actually making it as far as giving them to her, this time.

Rayla ate the peas, even tastier than hers had been, and then laid back against the hay pile. She really was tired. The moon was almost a sliver, that always-

Oh… what had she-

She blinked sleepily at Ezran, in her line of vision, pulling their cloak up to cover her, a tiny smile on his face that was… bright nonetheless.

Callum had turned away, looking down over hillscape again, his sketchbook open.

The sparse moonlight lit up the fine, misty raindrops, outlining the silhouette of his back in bright silver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Trying to give a bit of a breather for a few chapters until Callum goes and chugs that dark magic juice, because that will be amazingly not fun for Rayla :'(
> 
> Up next: ([ DiW 13: Hand ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55310188#workskin)) It’s new moon, THAT time of the month…


	14. New Moon (S2E7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during early S2E7, when they stay the night in the cave where Rayla does her Sailor Moonshadow thing. Before shit goes down with the dragon.
> 
> A few hours before [ DiW 14: Elf-Ez](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55373212#workskin))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much to the people who commented and kudos'ed this story, I really appreciate it <3
> 
> Now for the last fluffy chapter before Callum goes and does something that will NOT be fun for Rayla OR him. Yeaaah, I really might have issues, when realizing that THIS chapter is what passes for a break, for Rayla :D
> 
> Chapter warnings (highlight to read, or copy and paste if on iphone): non-graphic discussion of menstruation
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

5.29PM, May 28th, Corenthia Pass, Eastern Katolis

There was a twisting feeling, low in Rayla’s gut.

It could have been many things, but it wasn’t, not when she could feel it too, the barely-sliver of stupid new moon.

She knew what it meant, and she _had_ had supplies for it, had had stock of the potion that stopped it from happening while you were doing things like trekking across the human kingdoms, and now… she barely even had extra rags or anything, and her search of the bags was not miraculously turning up anything but what she already knew _wasn’t_ there. It was going to be _so_ inconvenient, and she was also definitely not telling her travelling companions.

They were probably unlikely to understand anyway. They were _boys_ , and who knew if it was even a thing, for humans?

No, it probably was. She was pretty sure humans made babies the same way elves did, she had heard something to that effect from a young couple getting all frisky against the pile of boxes she had been hiding behind, back in the port town.

She literally just stopped feeling nauseous _yesterday._ The world clearly hated her.

“Hey!” Callum’s too chirpy voice. She smiled back at him before she even realized she was doing it. She was trying to be grumpy, damnit, why was he making that so hard? “Looking for anything in particular?” Rags to stuff into her underwear? Yeah. The perfect answer.

“Rags to stuff into my underwear.”

Callum’s mouth opened slightly, but she wasn’t confident he quite… _got_ it.

“New moon stuff,” she elaborated. “You know, the bloody nuisance.” He probably still didn’t, but… whatever. Let’s gross _him_ out, too, because without any supplies this was gonna be _gross_.

He did look a bit embarrassed, although not actually grossed out. “Yeah, uhh… I do know. Not about the… new moon thing. Or calling it a ‘bloody nuisance’. I think those are more of those… Moonshadow elf things… but... the thing, yes. Menstruation. Yes. I read some medical books. And my aunt told me. She said that was part of ‘the talk’, too. That I should know.” He looked down, bashful, but he was not leaving her to it for some reason. “You need… help? I mean… obviously not with the… underwear. I hope!” Oh, there went the full-on blush. “Or… or if you do, that’s okay! I meant… to _find_ stuff. For your… u-underwear.”

She felt bad now. He was being _nice,_ even though he was getting more and more flustered. What right did he have to look so cute when his cheeks were all red?

He was also clearly mostly embarrassed because of the underwear part, and that tangent her mind took was just… no. She _knew_ from back at the Nexus that he had weird and restrictive ideas about modesty, it had nothing to do with it being _her_ underwear in particular. 

“You _have_ stuff?” she asked, suspicious. She knew he didn’t, knew what was in his and Ezran’s bags. The bandages from Lujanne was the best bet, and it would not be enough and also… they might need those bandages and need them to be clean.

“I can find it!” he said eagerly. “We passed that boggy place just a little way back. I can get you fluff-weed. I use it for watercolor painting, to soak up excess water. And Amaya saw me use it once, and she told me it’s also used for the… bloody nuisance. It’s nice and soft.”

Was he just… on a mission to make her not grumpy? It was definitely working, because what he was offering was so much better than she could have hoped for _and_ she wouldn’t have to sneak around or pretend her womb wasn’t tearing itself apart.

* * *

“Do you feel okay?” Callum asked, as they walked. “I can go alone, if you don’t feel good. My aunt said it was different for everyone, but that most felt _some_ kind of achy and tired…? But I don’t know about elves-”

“Yeah, that’s about the gist of it, for elves too, me included,” Rayla grumbled, plodding along the path they had just taken, earlier. “I’m okay though. I’d rather come with you. I don’t trust you near sinkholes.”

“Probably wise,” he snickered, just taking it without sniping back. “Ah, it’s pretty badass, bleeding for days days straight and just going about your business and not dying or anything.”

She snickered. “Yeah, you get used to it. I sure _wanted_ to die, the first time. I was training and bled through my pants and Runaan stopped the sparring match because he thought I was hurt. I don’t think you can possibly fathom the embarrassment of a group of teenagers all stopping what they’re doing to stare at your bloody crotch.”

Somehow, she wasn’t even slightly embarrassed _now._ Callum was both too kind and too familiar with embarrassing moments judge someone else’s embarrassing moments and it was kinda… freeing, to just talk about this stuff.

“Uh, you _have_ met me, right?” he laughed. “I can fathom a _lot_ of embarrassment. I know Claudia told you about the… uh… drawing contest that ended with me face down in my own pee-snow.”

“I have, she did, and I stick with my assertion. You were what? Six? Too young to have reached the adolescent pinnacle of embarrassment-capacity,” she said sagely. And oh how he agreed on that, she could tell.

“Yeah, but I was a special case,” he grinned. “I peaked young, with the embarrassment-capacity. And then… yeah, found out there was another, higher peak, behind what I had naively thought was the pinnacle.”

“What was the second peak?” she asked, before she realized what she was asking was rather personal. But embarrassing personal stories seemed the order of the day.

“Uh. Claudia-stuff. Sorry. You don’t like her and I don’t either, anymore.” Oh?

“Callum, it’s okay if you do. Just because _I_ don’t, doesn’t mean-”

“I _don’t_ ,” he said firmly. “I thought about stuff after… we left the Nexus. I don’t know. It was like… foggy. Foggy, rosy feelings, ignoring all the things about her that were-” He looked her in the eyes, his jaw set. “You were right about how she saw you. Spell components. And me. Maybe not as spell components but still… as some tool to get what she wanted. And I’m kind of glad. I pined for her for _years,_ I could have gone _more_ years. But it was like… I got snapped out of it all at once. She made her choice and it was like I was free to choose too.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, and she _was._ He had liked her a lot and she had hurt him.

“It’s okay. I don’t miss her like I miss-”

His dad.

But he turned to her and smiled, shaking his head like… not now.

You couldn’t be sad _all_ the time, she did get that. Sometimes you needed to _not_ talk about things, too. And he had been sad all the time pretty much since the Nexus and… he needed a break.

So she steered back to most embarrassing childhood moments, which was a font of entertainment that was not even _close_ to empty, on her part. Or his, it turned out.

“I’ll go get it,” she said, as they arrived, looking out over the bog Callum had talked about, tufts of some grassy weed poking out of the water, with bits of white fluff wafting in the breeze. It really did look like a good solution, considering the available alternatives.

“I said I’d get it for you!” Callum said, seeming almost a bit insulted.

“My boots are fully waterproof. Magic. I bet yours aren’t. In fact, because of your previous soggy disaster, I _know_ they aren’t.”

Callum looked at her boots, gauging, then at the swamp. “Your boots don’t go high enough, at the back. So you’ll be as soggy as me.” He looked pensive for a moment. “We could both go,” he suggested, shrugging.

She scoffed. “What would be the point of _that?”_

“Solidarity?” he grinned. “Soggy solidarity? Soggy socky solidar-” He cut off to a squeak when Rayla elected to just drag him into the soggy disaster with her.

The cold bog water flooded her boots immediately, and yet she found she was laughing and so was he, and it didn’t feel like a disaster at all.

The little fluffy bits at the end of the grass were indeed soft. And Callum’s smile was soft, when she looked over at him, meticulously gathering fluff into his bag.

She turned to look out over the forest, the sun low in the cloudy sky, even the light, soft.

Then grunts and splooping sounds interrupted the softness and she whipped her head around to Callum, trying in vain to extricate himself from a particularly boggy bit of bog.

“Rayla! I’m stuck!” he wailed, trying to free one foot but just getting the other stuck further.

She sighed. “Stay put, I’ll come get you out. But _one_ word along the lines of ‘stucky, soggy, socky disaster’, and I’m leaving you here!”

He stopped struggling and just stood there, ankle-deep in bog water, smiling gently, his hand stretched out for her.

The softness returned with a vengeance, all-encompassing and powerful.

The light of the sunset was soft yellow and pink today, reflecting off the water and the white fluff and off of Callum’s hair and skin. The light pink and yellow like the Sundrops looked… nice on him, too.

She moved forward towards him, through the water and mud and it felt like… exaggerated slowness, some frozen moment.

It broke though, when he took her hands, and she managed to yank him onto slightly higher ground with a sploopy, slurping suction-y sound.

Callum, grinned in relief, opening his mouth to say something, surely about to blatantly defy her warnings, but then… he stopped. He squeezed her hands, still engulfed in his, much bigger and softer than hers… like his heart, too big for the rest of him.

“Thank you,” he said, with _feeling._

She was standing ankle deep in a bog, her gut twisting with the impending bloody nuisance and they had just talked about pee and menstrual blood. It was very possibly the least romantic situation anyone had ever conceived of.

Her heart didn’t care at all, it all fell away.

She just felt his warm hands and heard her own thundering heartbeat and saw his sweet smile and smelled his past-ripe scarf and tasted… words on her tongue she couldn’t say.

Bonus doodles:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know how the period chapter ended up so sappy, it’s a mystery. What can I say, I enjoy finding romance in the mundane, the hardships and the NOT traditionally romantic.
> 
> Up next: ([ DiW 14: Elf-Ez](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55373212#workskin),[ DiW 15: Dark Path](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55456933#workskin)) Callum is off in angst coma land and Rayla is alone to watch over him


	15. You There (S2E8)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during S2E8 and early S2E9, while Callum is in the Dark magic angst coma
> 
> After [ DiW 15: Dark Path](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55456933#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented and kudos'ed this story, I always really appreciate it. Especially when it's chapters I'm really unsure about. Like this one :D This was the last chapter to get written because it was stumping me, sooo... story is done. Except for a LOT of editing.
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day! Have some angst! XD 
> 
> If you need a fluffy bandaid, I’ll post the first chapter of a fluffy(ish) Rayllum Valentine’s event fic later today, and then a chapter a day for the next week.

  
  


9.29PM, May 29th, Corenthia Pass, Eastern Katolis

Rayla squirmed uncomfortably, having gotten no closer at all to sleep over the past half-hour.

She knew she was _supposed_ to sleep.

The forest was barely visible behind misty haze of rain, even to her. It was unlikely anyone would find them here. Or want to look for them. The rainwater was dripping, collecting in a stream off the edge of the cave opening.

 _How_ was she even supposed to sleep, anyway? She ached all over from the latest in a long line of fights she had lost, the uneven rock under her was digging painfully into her hip where Soren had kicked her, and she couldn’t roll over because then she would be able to see Callum, and turning to lay down in the opposite direction would just be _pointless_ because none of it should _matter_ in the first place. Your eyes were supposed to be closed when you slept, but she _couldn’t_ sleep and so they _weren’t,_ and she _definitely_ couldn’t sleep while looking-

Fuck this whole mess, and Callum in particular.

The rock underneath her was hard and the air around her cold. Stupid new moon, not giving any warmth at all.

Stupid bloody nuisance too. Her… _whole_ insides seemed twisted in a knot. All the way from the familiar feeling low in her gut, up to her chest and throat, an unfamiliar and so much worse feeling. Like a big fist, clenching and squeezing.

And Callum’s occasional mutters seemed so much _louder_ than they ought to be. And… echoing. Sticking around after they stopped, bouncing around inside her skull and just… rising in… not _volume_ but… intensity?

She _knew_ it wasn’t even that loud, but it _felt_ loud.

Really, who _would_ have been able to sleep?

She sat up abruptly, grabbed their canteens, and went back out into the rain, with a curt explanation to Ezran.

She should… patrol, anyway. And change the fluffweed, which had kind of slipped her mind. And she had to pee. Get water. Get food, if she could find any. It was too risky to light a fire, and their only rations left were dry lentils.

Really, lots of reasons to not be _here._

Callum wasn’t, he was somewhere… uncomfortable.

And he had damn well chosen that, and she didn’t need to sit around in his annoyingly loud mutters that echoed inside her skull and stuck around when they shouldn’t because he had-

Done that.

And now he was paying for it.

* * *

“Go sleep, Ez,” Rayla snapped, as she returned to the cave, wetter and with no food, but at least water in their canteens as well as running down her spine and into her underwear.

Not like she _wanted_ to be anywhere near Callum right now, but she couldn’t let a 10-year-old stay awake when he was this tired, and she was awake anyway.

“No!” Ezran glared at her, clamping down on the yawn that had been escaping. “Callum needs me!”

“Callum would agree with me.”

“But I’m not tired!” Ezran claimed stubbornly. “And I want to make sure he’s okay!”

“Callum has been… out… for a while,” she said. “No change for ages. I’ll wake you if there _is_ change. Okay?”

Ezran looked stubborn for another half second, before another yawn split his face. “You wake me if anything happens,” he said firmly. Then the determination seemed to leave him, and he was a scared little brother. “Will you tell us a bedtime story?” he asked, looking up at her with those unfairly enormous blue eyes. “I don’t know if Bait can sleep, otherwise.”

 _Bait._ Ezran would have made a terrible Moonshadow, maybe even worse than her. Illusion fail, right there. Even Bait seemed to agree, grumbling like he was insulted at the implication.

Rayla nodded, relenting, because there was no pretending she wasn’t going to fold like a wet blanket, faced with Ezran upset. “Fine.”

Ezran laid down, right next to Callum, Bait and Zym cuddling up to him.

Damnit.

Wasn’t he… gonna be woken up? Callum was muttering and stuff.

“I’ll make you a bed further away, so you can sleep,” Rayla offered.

Ezran shook his head, the defiance firmly back. Did he… not trust her to look after Callum? That hurt more than it should have. She was mad, but of course she wouldn’t…

“Fine,” she said, short and curt.

“You’re angry at _me_ now,” Ezran said, very sure. She wondered how he could tell, when she was so angry just… in general. “And you’re angry at Callum. I’m angry at you too, you know. You’re being really mean, when Callum was just trying to protect you and the dragon-”

“Yep. I’m angry at Callum.” She hesitated, before continuing. “But Ezran, I _will_ watch over him.”

“Of course you will?” Now Ezran just sounded confused. “You carried him all the way back here. I know you wouldn’t let him be- Wait. _That’s_ why you thought I wanted to go to sleep here? You really hear things all wrong sometimes. And like… wrong in the same way? Wrong in the way of people thinking worse of you than they actually do? Like back when Aunt Amaya hit you-”

“Stop it, Ezran!” It burst out of her. She couldn’t _hear_ that right now! It was _her_ fault, didn’t he _get_ that?! And Ezran was 10 years old, and his brother was way out of it and she had to keep it together.

She bit hard into her lower lip, looking away. She had to _keep it together._

Ezran’s soft little hand slipped into hers and squeezed. “Okay. Not now. Just listen, okay? I’d like to sleep next to Callum because maybe he can feel me and know I’m here and feel a bit better? And I’d like you to tell me a goodnight story here, too, where Callum can hear it. Because maybe he’ll hear you, and know where to go, to come back to us? He’s trapped inside his head, and you’re really good at making him come out. _Really_ good.”

Pfft. She wasn’t _good_ at all. And Ezran… didn’t know about the red ribbon. He didn’t know and she couldn’t tell him. Now would be the absolute _worst_ time for him to find out.

The world… and her… was different than Ezran thought but-

Not now.

 _Now,_ she sat down, and told Ezran the story about the littlest adoraburr that didn’t stick to the others.

Where Callum hear her.

Except he _couldn’t_ because he wasn’t _here._

Rayla bit into her lip again, disguising it as a pause for dramatic effect. Ezran was almost asleep, anyway.

And then she waited, in the cold and hardness and so very _loud_ moans and mutters.

* * *

Callum had been quiet for ages.

Ezran wasn’t here at all.

And he was… he wanted to be alone.

His dad was dead and Runaan had killed him. He… _really_ hadn’t _fallen._ That had been an illusion, not kind but selfish. Meant to shield herself, not anyone else _._

And Ezran had left and he definitely didn’t want to see _her._

She was just… setting a record for worst and most mess-ups in a single day. She could still see his face, like it was stamped onto her thoughts. The tears bubbling out as the realization settled, the _heartbreak-_

It would… Ez would be back, and they could talk. He just needed… a bit of time. She couldn’t do nothing but hurt him more. Could do nothing for Callum either, so still now that she _missed_ the overly loud muttering, because now she really… she kept looking over at him and he wasn’t doing anything, but how was she supposed to know if he got worse when he was so _still-_

She felt nauseous.

Probably the bloody nuisance.

She blinked at the light, bright and… _did she sleep?!_

She snapped her head up immediately, looking around her.

The human scout, cross-legged and alert, making himself useful, unlike her.

Callum, unchanged, too still.

Ezran… not there.

She was still sitting up so… at least she didn’t sleep for long.

She really… _was_ supposed to have slept earlier, she _knew_ she couldn’t pull all-nighters during new moon.

Pah.

She was _already_ no use to anyone, what did it matter?

“How long was I out?” she demanded, turning to the scout, still hanging around.

“Out? 30 seconds? Maybe?”

Ugh. _So_ useless. Even a useless amount of sleep, doing nothing but push the nausea further up her throat.

She turned back away from the scout, looking out over the forest instead. The rain had stopped, and the smell of wet poky trees was rising. Stupid human poky trees with no leaves and nothing edible. All they could do was smell nice, which was just mocking the vibe of this whole situation.

They would shield Ezran, hopefully, who was out there, alone.

Callum was… who knew, except not here. Certainly, nowhere nice. Probably not even any poky trees for shelter. Alone in the dark.

And now the stupid fist inside was just squeezing and twisting away, like her guts and heart was sodden laundry.

“Miss? Would you care for a bite to eat?”

“Huh?” Rayla snapped out of the half-stupor. The scout had been looking out, and watching Callum, too. He was his prince, after all. No need for _her_ to be alert, and the sounds Callum made were so loud, anyway, like… an instant attention grabber. She was… selectively alert.

“Food?” the scout tried again, in simpler terms.

She numbly took the rations he handed her. Some compressed thing of grain and dried fruit and fat, maybe? It was a bit dense and pretty weird, but good. Like Callu-

Nope.

She looked out at the forest, where the sun was glittering off the wet pokies.

She looked down, where her fists were clenched in her lap. Shaking. She breathed and released them.

It was _fine_. It _would_ be fine. _He_ would be fine.

Without thinking, she slid her finger along the scraped knuckles of her left hand, but she became _very_ aware of it when she grazed the place where Callum had kissed her. He had been far away in some other place, not answering the things she and Ezran had said to him but going off about sacrifice and paths and taffy.

He hadn’t _meant_ to do it, probably, he was just _so_ fucking determined to make mush of her insides it had worked even when she had been furious at him and he had been so delirious he probably thought he had been kissing Ezran’s taffy hippo creature.

She had held her hand out for him to _take,_ and he had… _given_ her something she had wanted, instead.

Pah.

He hadn’t known what he was doing. Certainly hadn’t even known it was her.

He hadn’t known, but he _would_ , because she would tell him when he woke up, because it was… _funny,_ really. Ridiculous.

And he could damn well get better so she could yell at him for what he had done and give him shit about the absolutely ridiculous hand-kissing.

* * *

The scout had left.

Ezran had left long before.

Bait and Zym were huddled up in the nest of branches and dry grass Ezran had made for them the first night they had stayed here.

Callum was… unchanged.

Except he had.

Was.

His breath was different. Uneven.

And it was on _her_ now. There wasn’t anyone else. Just them. It wasn’t enough, _she_ wasn’t.

Callum gasped, some scared sound, and her head whipped around to look at him properly.

She hadn’t before, not _really._ Not… fully.

“Help-” he whimpered. It tore at her. Tore… something loose.

Who cared what he had done, he needed _help,_ needed _her._ And she needed _him._ She scrambled over to him, stroking across his forehead, brushing away the limp and sweaty hair.

“You’ll make it through this,” she said, because he _had_ to. He couldn’t hear her, and the last thing she had said to him that he _had_ heard was what? Calling him a sack of chatty flour and told him to get moving?

The corruption, the darkness, was clear in his face. Dark veins under his eyes, unnatural pallor.

“You big, dumb human.”

He gasped a few uneven breaths.

_Come back to me._

But the words stuck in her throat, even though they would have been the first true thing she hadn’t said to him in ages.

She put her hand against his chest. Thumps against her palm. She couldn’t tell if it was weaker than it was supposed to be.

She pulled his right glove off to put her fingers against the pulse point at his wrist. A little flutter, like a fragile, tiny heartbeat. Too fast.

“Help-” he gasped, again.

But she couldn’t.

* * *

She had told him to run and he had told her he wouldn’t. And he hadn’t, he had planted his feet and clenched his fist around that slug and… _squeezed._

She slipped her hand into his, the hand that had squished the slug, that had dripped with dark purple energy.

And that had also touched her cold and aching hand in the darkness of the mountain cave.

That had steadied hers, shaky and heavy, as she drank.

Had carefully spread Lujanne’s ointment over her bruised wrist.

Slid across her cheek while he told her that her courage and her heart were what made her strong.

Given her peas… and soft fluff for her underwear and soft kindness… for her.

Now, it was clammy and limp, not responding to her touch. He had never… _never_ not responded when she had reached for him.

This didn’t feel real. Didn’t feel like him.

He was in there somewhere, trapped in his head, Ezran had said.

“Callum?”

He had chosen to do it, to go… _there._

She needed him, didn’t he understand that?

No. Of course he didn’t, because she had been thoroughly awful to him. Why would he?

She stroked across his clammy forehead. “Callum? I know you can’t hear me, but I… I didn’t mean it. What I said. Or I did, and I was wrong. Probably that last one. I know you’re good inside… that’s why I got so angry. Because I know. You’re so much better than the things you did… for me.” _Better than this,_ Runaan had said. _Better than her,_ was what sprung to mind. But she didn’t say that, because he didn’t agree, she knew.

Maybe she should have. Maybe he would… sit up and correct her?

Pah.

That was horrible, expecting things from _him_ when he was… _always_ giving her things. Always answering an outstretched hand with-

She should be helping _him_ now, and she _wasn’t!_

“I’m not worth your life or your soul, dummy! Not even close! This mission… this _world_ needs you, needs Ezran! Do you really not get that?!”

She was an assassin, even if she was a spectacularly bad one. Already dead.

Why didn’t he _get_ that?!

Why wasn’t he waking up?!

Why-

His gasping breath stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was veeery difficult to write, for some reason. It takes place over the course of maybe 18 hours, which is hard to communicate when Rayla isn't really paying all that much attention to the passage of time. And I should have probably written one scene instead of a progression of them, for chapters this length but eh, here we are. I hope you enjoyed, anyway! 
> 
> Up next: Callum and Rayla are on the way to the Moonstone Path, pointedly avoiding the dark magic elephant in the room


	16. You Here (S2E9)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during late S2E9, en route to the moonstone path
> 
> Some hours before [ DiW 16: Open Sky](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55531606#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's commented and kudos'ed on this story! I really appreciate your feedback, especially for chapters like the last one, that was both very important and one I was unsure about.
> 
> Wow, last chapter of this seems like ages ago, because I've posted SEVEN chapters of my Valentine's event fic since, haha! It's titled [ Home Free](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29433366/chapters/72303099) rayllum housemates-to-lovers bantery, lowkey fun, if this story gets too heavy, I actually really like how it turned out :)
> 
> Now for a very lowkey chapter, because boy do these poor kids deserve a bit of a break after the last one.

  
  


3.03AM, May 31st, The Breach, Katolian side

“You’re a mage now.” Rayla said. He was, she could… _tell,_ somehow. The wind was pulling at her, for one, while he seemed unaffected.

“I’m a mage!” Callum whisper-yelled, like he had in the dungeon on the day they had met. He grinned brightly at her.

“There’s no one here, you know,” she smiled. “You can be a louder mage if you want.”

He smirked lightly. “Nah, I feel secure in my mage-hood… or… mage-dom? Magery? Magickery-”

“Idiocy works.”

“Well, now you’re just cramping my understated, cool and collected mage-style!” he mock-pouted.

“Cool?” she snickered fondly. “Yeah, I don’t think the Sky Arcanum changes people in quite such a fundamental way-”

“Ah, as long as you still like me, I’m good with not being cool.” The smile he gave her was not mocking at all, but wide and genuine and warmed her all the way to her toes. And his words… warmed her cheeks.

He had no _idea_ how much she liked him, cool-ness level was completely irrelevant to how much she liked him.

No.

 _Loved_ him.

She had almost said it. And now he wasn’t dead, and that was just… embarrassing. And the feelings definitely hadn’t gone anywhere. Wasn’t like they were new, either, she was just clearly done denying their existence, because there was no denying what she had almost said, the words had been on her tongue, had been real and acknowledged inside her for that moment before he had taken that blessed, gasping breath.

“And you’re a healthy, happy mage?” she asked lightly, returning his smile. She needed to know. She also didn’t want to… kill the mood. She wasn’t mad at him, she was immensely relieved and happy he was okay and _he_ was happier than he had been since the Moon Nexus.

“Yep! I feel really good actually!” He bounced on the balls of his feet. He was possibly… just a bit euphoric. And would eventually crash. She wanted him to be happy, but also to not fall into the lava when they were going to cross the Moonstone Path. So she would watch him. But… subtly. He deserved to be happy.

“I’m glad,” she said, genuine relief.

“Do _you_ feel good?” he asked.

Well… no. Objectively, at least, no. Her hip still hurt where Soren had kicked her and the sun would soon rise on the _third_ consecutive day without sleep and it was close enough to new moon that the bloody nuisance was still an ongoing thing _._

But also… yes. So much yes. Because he was not dying, he was a happy, healthy mage.

Possibly dangerously euphoric right now, but she could deal with that.

“I feel really good,” she said, completely truthfully.

They had to get to the Moonstone path before dark. She didn’t want to worry him, as long as they made it, they were good, but there had been a lot of soldiers who had seen her, and she didn’t want a fight.

They couldn’t dally though, and the pace she set was somewhat faster than she would prefer, as exhausted as she was right now, but curiously, Callum was keeping up without any apparent effort. That… Sky energy was still in him. He was all… bouncy.

It would have been cute, if she hadn’t been so tired.

Alright. Maybe it still was.

Zym was happy too, that Callum was okay, the little dragon had never been short of energy ever. He was bouncy too, zigzagging ahead of them, sniffing every tree they passed, looking for bugs.

“Uh, Rayla?” Callum asked. “Are we… okay?”

“Yeah. Of course we are.”

“Just… the… thing. The thing I did.” He looked down at his hand. It had been one action. One moment.

“We’re okay,” she said firmly. That was important for him to know. The rest… could wait.

“You want to… talk about it?”

No.

Absolutely not.

It had been _horrible,_ and she didn’t think she could talk about it without… giving away how horrible it had been and… surely it had been worse for Callum? _He_ was the one it had actually happened to. Absolutely not _now._

Besides, they had to get to the Moonstone Path before Moonset because those humans might follow them, or she would have called for a stop, given him time to rest… and her, to be completely honest. She was at least a bit aware that two nights of no sleep was pushing it, even if it hadn’t been during new moon. And Callum had not really… _slept_ so much as been unconscious for the better part of a day.

He seemed to do okay though, still. And at least the terrain was not too-

Her foot snagged on something, and that shouldn’t have happened, and if it did, she should have caught herself. But it did, and she didn’t, she hit the ground gracelessly, with a surprised noise that even didn’t sound like her.

Rayla sat up, spitting out a little bit of loose moss. Ugh. Just what she needed.

Callum dropped to his knees next to her, actually looking worried, even though nothing had happened, and the ground was just mossy forest floor. “Hey, you okay?” Zym mimicked him, a kinda questioning whine.

She looked away, embarrassed. She really had to keep it together, she was just tired, _he_ was the one who had almost died and Zym was a baby and shouldn’t worry at all. “Fine. Just clumsy. Evidently.”

“You. Clumsy? _You_?” He sounded not overly convinced.

His hands found her shoulders, a gentle weight, urging her to stay down. He brushed off her clothes, pulled a twig from her hair. His fingers slid lightly over a bit of torn skin at her elbow, which wasn’t even from this tumble, but from the fight with the human soldiers and already healing.

“Sit with me?” he urged, so sweetly it was… why was it _so_ hard to say no to that? “Just… for a few minutes. Or lie down maybe? It’s pretty flat and soft here.” It was. It had been a good place to stumble, all things considered. There was moss across the forest floor like a pillow, and it didn’t seem to be wet.

Yeah. Maybe just… for a minute.

She laid down on her back, the yielding moss seeming to rise up to shape around her, really just kinda… highlighting how exhausted and sore and tense she was.

She looked up at the starry sky and moon peeking out from the clouds. It was a thin sliver of waxing crescent she had barely felt while they had been moving, but it was there, balmy warmth and bracing strength.

She felt Callum next to her, too, even before his hand found hers.

“You’re the most graceful person I’ve ever met. You’re absolutely not clumsy, that’s _my_ thing. Don’t take my thing, Rayla.” She snickered, despite herself. “And you’re good. And _needed._ That’s why I did it. It was my choice. It’s okay if you’re mad at me for it, for a bit. You’re alive. That’s… way more important.”

She couldn’t… she _couldn’t_ talk about it. She needed to tell him she wasn’t mad at all, not even a little bit, but… her throat felt too tight.

But Callum didn’t push it, seemed content with saying his piece. His thumb brushed across her knuckles, where he had kissed her yesterday. She doubted he remembered, he had been really out of it.

“You ever had that bubbly wine grown-ups drink at New Year?” he asked, giggling, a bit of that euphoria bubbling back up in him, as he relaxed too.

“No,” she said, thinking back to the Moonshadow feasts and dances. She would miss the dance to welcome the Summer, it would be any day now, or maybe it had already happened. It wasn’t a set date, but happened on the night of the day the grass in the meadow bloomed into golden, fragrant tiny flowers. “I’ve never heard of that,” she continued, pushing the thoughts of the dancing she wouldn’t be doing away. “And I wasn’t allowed wine. Just cider, and only a few cups, at special occasions. The cider is bubbly. The wine isn’t. And we have bubbly berry juice stuff, without any alcohol. I liked that better, anyway. It’s fizzier than the cider, even. And fruitier. You can try it, when we get to my home.” She turned to look at his face, contentedly smiling at the sky. “What about this situation made you think about bubbly wine?”

“My stomach,” he laughed.

“You hungry?” Of course he was. They were out of luck though, she was saving the last rations from Corvus until shortly before the Breach, they really didn’t need any hunger-induced lightheadedness when crossing lava. And the berries they had seen around here weren’t ripe. At least Zym had managed to turn over a piece of rotting wood with fat grubs under it and was not going hungry. They _could_ eat those too, but-

“No. I mean like… it’s like there’s bubbles in my stomach. Fizz.”

“Bubbles _are_ made of air?” she grinned. He deserved his bubbly happiness. His Sky magic. “Maybe that’s what a Sky arcanum feels like?”

He sputtered. “Pfft. I kinda hope not! It’s pretty distracting! Maybe just… a mix. Of new Sky magic. And you.”

“ _Me?”_ What-

“Yeah! I get really happy and fizzy inside when I see you… alive. _Here._ ”

Fizz rose in Rayla’s stomach too, as if on cue. No Sky arcanum required, just him.

Rayla pushed herself up, because clearly it was on her to be sensible right now, and they really did need to get to the Breach and not frolic on a mossy pillow, lost to their bubbly insides.

She got off the ground with ease, feeling so much lighter, carried upwards by the fizz she had maybe unfairly derided. She couldn’t help but smile, looking down at Callum, a beautiful, utterly filthy, rumbled and sweaty vision, sprawled against the green moss. She reached down her hand to pull him up, and it closed around hers, solid and real and warm.

Here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> The timeline and timestamps also makes me keep track of how long it's been inbetween sleep, and it's been 45 hours and counting for Rayla, at this point. And I like for things like that to affect our heroes, for them not to feel invincible.
> 
> And we’re past the half-way point and also through season 2 now! Thank you all who made it this far with me <3
> 
> Up next: ([ DiW 16: Open Sky](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55531606#workskin)) After escaping Sol Regem, Rayla isn't feeling great after getting hit with a massive pile of rocks


	17. Haze (S3E1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set shortly after S3E1, after they get away from Sol Regem
> 
> A few hours before [ DiW 17: Head](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55612075#workskin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to season 3! Thank you to everyone who commented and kudos'ed on the previous chapters, I always really appreciate it! You got me through the first 2 seasons!
> 
> Now for a new arc, where I insert some extra days between 3.1 and 3.2, to account for Ezran's S3 fast-travel shenanigans. The parallel arc was titled 'Frolicking' on Callum's end, but... Rayla's side of it is just slightly less fluffy. Still fluffy though. Early S3 highkey pining idiots is where it's AT XD
> 
> Chapter warnings (highlight to read, or copy and paste if on iphone): non-graphic mention of blood, minor injuries

3.56PM, May 31st, Duleac Gorge, Xadia

“Rayla, we need to stop! You can’t keep going like this-”

Showed what Callum knew.

She definitely _could_.

Rayla didn’t look at him and didn’t stop, but kept her gaze ahead at the green in the distance, where they needed to get to.

Her head hurt though, and her right foot hurt every time she pushed off the rocky ground and the world was… fuzzy.

Pah. It was fine. Just the sun and the heat getting to her. The lack of water. And food. And sleep.

She looked at Callum and then wished she hadn’t. His face made the… fineness… harder to hold onto.

But it really _was,_ he was just… not used to this stuff.

She remembered the panic on his face when he had pulled at the rocks, his shaking hands against her face coming away red. It certainly looked worse than it was.

It was a waste of energy she didn’t have to try to convince _him_ of that, he was ridiculously stubborn sometimes. She just had to _show_ him that she was fine.

They kept moving.

She barely registered the whole… _thing_ of walking, except that it was something she needed to do. The stupid sunlight was all poky and sharp, and made her head hurt more and made everything swimmy like… when you hadn’t had not enough food or… something… which they also hadn’t but… it was worse than it should be and… she shut her eyes some of the time. It was fine. Callum would make sure they were walking in the right direction. But it poked through her eyelids too.

There was a shift in the light.

Blessed darkness.

Or… not really darkness but… respite from the bright pokiness, at least.

Not from the rest of it, but… like darkness, it was relative. It hurt less than her hand had. Less than it would have if she had broken bones or something like that. So it was okay, except Callum clearly didn’t think so, his frowny-worried face in her line of vision now.

“It’s shaded here,” he said, all wound up tight, like he got. “Sit down for a bit”

“Not yet.”

“You’re _hurt,_ ” he said, unwinding into being… _so_ upset, but… she couldn’t entertain his softness when they weren’t _safe._ “I c-can’t-” His voice shook and he couldn’t go all frantic on her _now,_ they didn’t have time for _his_ hurt either.

“Don’t be such a bleeding heart,” she said roughly.

“So what if I am!” he shot back, angrily. “Still puts me ahead of _you_ in the ‘bleeding body parts’ game!” He gestured at her arm where red was mixing with brown dirt, and her head that she couldn’t see but… definitely _feel_. Savage and unlike him. He was better off angry though. Anger could keep you moving and doing what you needed to when you were upset. “You don’t get to tell me how to feel.”

“I get to tell you to feel it _later,_ when we left an angry dragon back there!” she snarled. “I’m absolutely telling my own shit body the same right now, believe me.”

They kept moving, leaning on the anger.

She leaned more on him, as the anger dissipated in the heat and the haze.

It wasn’t a long-lasting thing, anger. Not for him, either, she could feel him… caring too, through it.

The landscape shifted, although she was barely aware of it.

“I wish I was strong enough to carry you,” Callum said, his voice full of not-even-close-to-anger but… a lot of sappy contrition that wasn’t necessary, because he _wasn’t_ strong enough to carry her, not as far and as fast as they needed to go. His skinny arms around her were trembling as it was, he was clearly already carrying as much of her weight as he could and he was tired too.

“’s okay-” she hissed, through clenched teeth.

“I know… you’re hurting way more than you’re saying.”

Weren’t everyone doing that? Like, obviously she couldn’t be whining about things when they needed to be moving, what good would that do?

The world had somehow… narrowed around her, to just him and the next step, and when they stopped moving she almost collapsed fully against him without the familiar rhythm, and that wouldn’t do at all.

He lowered her gently down to the ground, which wouldn’t do either, because they weren’t there yet, but her body had gone all dumb and floppy with the relief of… not-standing-up.

Oh… _ow_. Without any distractions it was… ow-

The sound of running water made it through the painful haze.

Water. They hadn’t had any since before the breach.

So, they needed to stop. Drink. Made sense.

It _didn’t_ make sense that she was lying _down,_ flat on her back against the grass.

She looked up into the blue sky, squinting against the stupid poky sunlight and pushed herself upwards.

It went fully dark, suddenly, and when the light returned, she was back against the grass and Callum’s anxious face was hovering right in front of hers and Zym was nudging her, making little whining noises.

“Rayla? You… fell asleep?”

Nope, she had passed out. Without a doubt, that had not been falling asleep. But he really didn’t need to know that, he was clearly plenty worried already. “Yeah. Just closed my eyes for a bit.” She stroked Zym’s mane to assure him, where he had squeezed his head up and under her right hand, still whining.

“You feel nauseous? Dizzy? Your head hurt?” Callum peered closely at her. Yeah, all of that, duh, a rock had hit her head, that was _normal_ and nothing to _worry_ about.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry. Got off easy. Just slightly crushed, remember?”

“No, Rayla!” he snapped. “In fact, I _don’t_ remember that. I remember you _saying_ that _-_ “ He cut himself off, the worry encroaching on the defiance. “Never mind. I’ll just… get you some water. You _rest_.”

He… thought she wasn’t okay enough to argue with? That was just offensive. She could damn well prove _that_ wrong too-

Except it disappeared in fuzzy haze, whatever it was she had been so determined to do.

Then the feeling of the cool metal of the canteen against her hand.

Callum’s hands, cold from the stream, guiding hers.

Cool water against her dry lips, her parched mouth.

Callum’s gentle hands, stroking across her calf, as he very carefully put her throbbing foot on top of his bag, elevating it.

Callum’s voice, close now. “Rayla. How bad is this _really?”_

She could see him, he was not part of the haze but his own. “Nothing broken. Slightly crushed.” She grinned, or… tried anyway. It wasn’t totally successful, and Callum definitely noticed, because he didn’t seem mollified at all, and she really had to do _better-_

“I should take your boot off, take a look-”

“Nope,” she said firmly. “Boot stays on until we reach the giant ferns.”

“Why? Rayla, we have ten minutes, okay? We _need_ ten minutes. _I_ do, and you _definitely_ do.”

“Because you said it yourself, Callum! You can’t carry me, and my foot is already swollen enough that the boot won’t go back on once it’s off. So it _stays_ on until we can rest for significantly more than ten minutes, get it?!”

He got it, but… he also _didn’t_.

His jaw set though, determined despite the upset. “Okay. I’ll do what I can for you in those ten minutes, then.”

He should be resting too. He was exhausted, had been shaking under the weight she had leaned on him, and he had almost died yesterday- But she was too tired to keep arguing right now.

Callum’s back was rigid. Hands clenching. Shoulders tense.

But he got moving.

“We lost the pot… somewhere.” Callum’s voice in the haze. And that wasn’t good but… it was far away. There was shuffling… clanking… like… looking for something.

His light touch brought her back to him.

He had filled the canteens again, and was wetting a piece of bandage. “There’s a lot of dirt in the cuts here…” His fingers brushed her upper arm. And he hesitated, even though that was all the _more_ reason to clean it. “It’ll hurt.” _Such_ a bleeding heart.

“Do it anyway. It’s fine.” She closed her eyes again and gritted her teeth, as he began. It _did_ hurt. It _was_ fine.

“It’s _not!”_ Callum said emphatically, even as she could feel his hands still working, still gentle. “Shit, it’s bleeding again now, maybe I shouldn’t have-” Pressure. That was… good. What you were supposed to do, with bleeding things like arms and hearts

“Better… to clean it. It’ll stop again.” Just an arm. Definitely one up on a heart. “It’s not that deep.”

He was tying the bandages, when she got clear of the haze to see him. His mouth was tight and determined, but… his eyes and hands and everything else betrayed him.

F in illusions.

She reached for one of his shaking hands, as he finished. “Hey. I’m fine. We’ll make it. Sol Regem won’t-”

“ _NO_ TO ALL OF THAT!” he snapped. “You’re _not_! We _will!_ But it’s not on you right now, to make sure we do!”

He breathed hard, composing himself.

“I should have a look at your forehead,” he said calm now, at least on top. “If it’s still bleeding. It was earlier… a lot.” Yeah, she had a suspicion that it hadn’t all been sweat, running down her face. Callum’s horrified expression when he had pulled at the rocks to get her free, had… given her an idea of that. She had been pressing Callum’s handkerchief against it as they walked, and it was kinda… stuck now.

Callum used the water to gently dissolve it, so he wasn’t tearing.

The world was fuzzy, fading again. Callum’s green eyes, peering at her forehead, close, was the only clear thing. Worried and unhappy. She really… needed to be more okay, because it wasn’t okay that he was worrying when he had almost died _yesterday_.

“It’s swelling, and I think the swelling is kinda… pressing the cut shut?” Callum ventured, unsure.

“Well, see! That’s good, so it worked out,” Rayla said, reassuring.

“ _What_?! Rayla! That’s not good! Swelling is not _good_! You hit your head. That’s _bad._ You fell asleep… _really_ fast, in a way that’s not really- You need to _rest._ And this is not resting. At all. You comforting _me_ right now is absurd, you _do_ see that? Please? Just… close your eyes? I’ll clean you up a bit, just… stop fighting for the rest of the ten minutes… please-”

A few minutes was… fair. Okay. “Okay.”

The world faded quickly away when she closes her eyes, let her shoulders relax against the grass.

She did feel Callum moving. And cool wetness, him wiping at her hands and arms and face.

She could feel him hesitating before the sting of the contact when he got to scrapes or bruises, but he didn’t stop, and she didn’t flinch and-

_Ow._

So much for not flinching.

And for him not stopping.

“I’m so sorry, Rayla.” He sounded so soft she wanted to cry.

She was so tired, and it hurt really quite badly now, and the memory of him dying in her arms was still way too close to the surface, and he was not at all safe _now_ and she couldn’t protect him like this and… and didn’t he _understand_ how much harder it was to ignore all that when he was making her _feel_ it all _,_ and all at once? And he stroked carefully across her knuckles and it was definitely not helping, the tears were rising in her throat-

She managed to not sob… _exactly_. It became a hiss of pain instead, when the weird hiccuppy not-sob tore at her battered body. But it _was_ tears, slipping down her temples, so… very much a failure at the not-crying.

“Oh Rayla.” His fingers against her temples, wiping the wetness away. Then across her cheeks with no pretense of function besides comfort. “It’s okay.”

No, it _wasn’t_ , not at all.

It was very much _not_ okay that that she was worrying him and carrying on like a child just because she was too tired to deal with things.

She was _so_ tired though. She hadn’t really slept since… the night after they had gone to fetch her fluff weed, she thought? It felt so long ago. She felt too brittle, like … if he kept touching her she would crumble completely.

And she couldn’t do that, she needed to be _better_ than this.

“We need to get to the gorge,” she said roughly, pushing herself out of the weird brittle feeling and up on her elbows. Callum got her the rest of the way to sitting.

Oh this was… really awful, compared to lying down.

She let herself slump against Callum’s shoulder and be as miserable as she felt… for ten seconds. She counted, but inside her head, because she didn’t think he would like that.

The world swam, more than before, when she rose the rest of the way to standing. She should never have sat down in the first place because now she felt _everything,_ the pain and the exhaustion pulling her down and dizzy nausea pushing up through her throat.

There was nothing to throw up though, which was probably another one of those things Callum wouldn’t agree was good.

They were in Xadia now, they were not safe at all, they left an angry dragon somewhere behind them, they were out of food and… and Callum and Zym needed her to be okay.

So, she damn well _would_ be okay.

Bonus sketch. I might share more of these, even when they're rough and unfinished like this one, if people like the addition :)

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, even though this was pretty heavy on the 'hurt' part of the hurt-comfort, haha! As with the binding and the Bantherlodge, I like for things to have consequences and characters to not feel invincible. Rayla is waaaaay past her physical limit at this point, and this story is kinda ABOUT exploring the fallout of the shit these characters go through over the course of the episodes.
> 
> So... half because of this, and half to make timeline make sense, Callum and Rayla are now grounded for a few chapters, by mean racist grandpa Sol :'(
> 
> Up next ([ DiW 17: Head](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55612075#workskin) \- this chapter is recommended to read because some important Callum development happens in it. And it’s pretty cute!, [ DiW 18: Senseless](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774909/chapters/55697731#workskin)) Callum ran afoul of some less pleasant locals on his first day in Xadia
> 
> There's also a bonus chapter between DiW 17 and 18, [ Instant 4: Cooking](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25011817/chapters/60867190), which is an old rayllum event prompt, also happening between this chapter of Upside Downtime and the next.

**Author's Note:**

> New chapters every Sunday, is my aim 😊
> 
> I post fanart and screen edits and teasers and meta about my writing over on [my tumblr](https://numptypylon.tumblr.com/) and you're always welcome to chat to me over there :)
> 
> Feedback is super welcome, even if it’s negative!


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